bill, miss and brood

ella turns 9!

2012-02-01T14:43:00.009-06:00

This year we took Ella skiing for the first time for her birthday date!! She was SO SO SO excited. As were we! I have been skiing regularly the past two years. Bill has skiied once and has just taken up snow boarding so it was all up to me to teach her =)

Luckily we have some friends we could borrow some skis from! And my sister in law is a ski instructor so gave me some over the phone pointers (if she wasn't 8 months preggo she would've come to give her a lesson) so I had an idea of where to begin to teach her

We spend the first half hour like this. I'm not gonna lie....I was ready to call it quits! lol

But, we went in to eat dinner and came out all refueled and ready to go

some guy offered to take a picture...he said "oh! what a great family picture! you can send this out for Christmas!" little did he know we were missing 4 more people!

I was told this was the best way to get up the tow rope....for her maybe

man that hurt my back!

It turns out I can ski backwards!

Her and I on the chair lift! She was so excited/scarred

Going down a BIG hill...me going backwards....see her holding my glove? =) She was SO proud of herself after this run!

She spent the rest of the night on the big bunny hill just bombing it...she loved it! She didn't really like messing with stuff like "turning" and "stopping". you know...that stuff that makes up skiing!

Even though Bill isn't in many of the pictures b.c he was too busy still falling all over the hill on his snowboard, we had a blast =)

"less stressful meals"

2012-01-27T11:14:00.004-06:00

Every wednesday night, my church offers dinner!!! All I have to do is show up, pay a small fee and its served to me!
Its heavenly.

And it really is no work to me. Especially when Bill isn't home.
Last wednesday was such nights. So, I loaded up the truck with all 5 kiddos...but first, someone let the dog out of the fence, and since he listens "real good" when he is on the run, I had to do a short drive around looking for him. Lucky for him, we found him fast.
I was hungry after all.
Then, we get to the parking lot...and I don't know what it is about the site of that pavement, but all my boys think its an invitation to race. And of course, you can't race without screaming at the top of your lungs. That would just be silly.
And b.c we apparently never work on our "inside" voices at home, that screaming carrys on into the church.
luckily people don't hate us there.
We then proceed to remove our hats, mittens, and coats. And it NEVER fails that we are greeted by the elderly gentleman who loves children but insits on chasing them around. As if my kids need practice at running. So, I am lovingly and calmly and most definatley cursing under my breath, trying to get them all coralled (how in the world do you spell that?!) so we can get in line.
I'm hungry...remember?
We finally do get into line...and no matter how early I get there, its always a 10 minute wait...b.c the food is that good. Luckily, there are all kinds of people who adore my children and love entertaining them by tickeling them and pretend-punching them and throwing them around a bit. This always helps them settle down.

After many agonizing.....ehem...I mean wonderful minutes of wating, we get to the food line.
Now. This is always a little daunting. As I only have 2 hands.
Thankfully, 3 of my children are more than capable of carrying their own plates AND dishing themselves up (now, if they get ouf of the line with a plate of only chips and bread is another story) but the other 2 are NOT capable but THINK they are capable . So, its a battle of not only balancing their plates and mine in my hands...but trying to keep their grubby little paws off the plates.
oh. sorry. was that harsh?
You will have to excuse the tone. I am sweting rediculous amounts of swet at this point in the night. And as I am sitting at my computer reminiscing..I can't help but notice I am clentching my jaw a considerable amount.

I just took a minute to relax. I am back.

So. We are finally thru the food line, which, unfortunately, takes us past the ICE CREAM buffet before we can get to our seats. Lets just say I have become very creative at using all sorts of body parts to direct those wondering children (feet, hips, even my butt come in real handy).

Once we are at our seats, we take up an entire table, so sadly I never get the company of any other adult...but at least we all fit at one so I don't have to straddle two tables....that would just be embaressing.
I get everyone their drink of choice, we play whining chairs (its alot like musical chairs, without the music and with whining. oddly, its not quite as fun) until everyone is satisfied with their eating partner and by the time I sit down to eat...our first cup of milk has spilled.

I would like to just pause and ask...why is it NEVER the WATER that spills???

Anyways, i stand, my hands making a baracade to the milk so it doesn't drip all over the floor, trying to lovingly yell at my older kids to HURRY UP AND GET ME MORE THAN HALF A NAPKIN FOR GOODNESS SAKES!!!

excuse me while I unclentch my jaw again...............................

well. When all is said and done. We have had 2 cups of spilled milk, I have gotten up from my seat to chase down wondering children 732 times, used up about half a pack of family sized napkins and made a few trips to the kitchen for wet washcloths and a few minutes locked in a closet of darkness all by myself. Who cares if all 5 kids are left unattended out in the midst of 300 other people trying to enjoy their meals!!!

shoot. I swore I would never tell anyone that.

As you can see. This is MUCH less stressful than just cooking a blasted meal at home!

read my warning before you read. Especially if you're a man

2012-01-19T20:24:00.004-06:00

warning: this post will use words that you may not be comfortable with. Words such as bladder, uterus.....I wont expand. YET. But know, you've been warned

It turns out having 5 kids, 3 of them LONG HARD labors, can cause your insides to fall out!

Its true. That's where I am.

I saw my dr/surgeon yesterday b.c I have been having ridiculous lack of ability to control my urine. I mean, like, I pee my pants. Often. Its like my water breaks over and over...you know...zero control.

It turns out I have whats called a prolapsed bladder, uterus and rectum. I have 3 hernias that need to be repaired. In order to do this, she will do a hysterectomy (leave my ovaries) so she can use the muscles? from it to put my bladder and rectum back in place.

I am doing 100% ok about having a hysterectomy. I have heard its an easy surgery to recover from. I had already processed whether I was done having kids when I had my tubes tied after having Tad. I figure, I don't use my uterus anymore...I don't even really know what it looks like..I can do without it!

The thing I WASN'T expecting was the limitations the bladder/rectum repair would cause.
For the rest of my life.

I will be restricted to lifting a max of 20 lb for life.
crazy!
And NO running.
Ever again!

When the dr told me this, I cried
and cried
and cried some more

Then I called Bill to tell him...and I cried again

And then I called my mom (this time out of the clinic) and I sobbed.

I am REALLY sad about this (hence all the crying)
But even a day after finding this out, I am feeling much better about it.

There is still SO much I CAN do.

I have been advised by many people to get a second opinion...and I probablly will. But, the research I have done, anyone else who has had ALL of these things done have had the same restrictions.

I am definately grieving a loss. I am ok with being sad about this. I am ok that its "just running" and yet its kind of breaking my heart.
But, I also know that sooner than later, I will be ok about not running.

I have 2 half marathons before my surgery (which is 4/2) so I will at least leave my joys of running behind by going out with a bang!

(*I am not sure why some of my writing is highlighted yellow. I couldn't get it off!)

running

2012-01-13T19:47:00.003-06:00

In just over 2 weeks I am running my first HALF MARATHON!! Its so crazy that I am doing this b.c I am NOT a runner. I mean..I guess, technically now I AM a runner...but I am pretty sure I will aways think of myself as a non runner.

I have not been nervous at all...until today! For whatever reason I suddenly am wondering if I am prepared enough to do it! I have ran up to 10 miles (and oddly enough, loved it) and I have one more long run planned this week...so I "should" be fine....but I still have butterflies today!

Could it possibly have anything to do with my children always being SO willing to point out my imperfections?! ;)

As of today, every single one of them has officially put me down.
Tad...my TWO year old...pointed at me while I was getting dressed and said "big butt"!!!!

oh my. Doesn't he understand how hard I have been working to get it DOWN to this big?!
And even more than that...does he (and the rest of them) really think its appropriate to, first RUIN my body and then put me down for the way it looks?!?!?

seriously.

=)

I'm totally kidding.
Well, kind of.
Ok, maybe not at all

But...back to my half marathon! How many of you are "not runners but it turns out maybe you actually are runners"?

My favorite people!

2011-12-13T02:24:00.000-06:00

I'm going to try really hard to blog more than every 2 months ;)

I don't have time to do much today...but ya can't ever go wrong with a photo, right?! Here is my family!

I have no title. =)

2011-12-08T22:24:00.001-06:00

oh my gosh! hello!! Is there anyone out there anymore???

If so, you may have noticed that I have been gone for QUITE sometime.

Without boring you with all the details, I have had a rough couple of months. For lots of reasons.

There was lots of crying and laying around in my pjs for days on end. Lots of cereal dinners and stinky kids (you know, b.c I didn't have the energy to bathe them)

BUT...I am MUCH better now!

In fact, just to show you how far I have come let me tell you a little story.

A few weeks ago, I had a wedding to attend. Not only as the photographer. But as a guest. One of my cousins was getting married.

You see, photographing a wedding is one thing.

Being a guest is one thing.

Being BOTH is a WHOLE other story.

If I am photographing, I hardly care what I am wearing, as long as its comfortable.

If I am a guest, I hardly care about comfort, as long as I am CUTE!

Trying to combine these two is very exhausting.

You don't believe me?? Give it a try!

I finally found a great outfit that was both adorable and comfortable.

But, now what to do with my hair?

You see, a ponytail in my adorable, albeit comforatble, outfit just wouldn't sufice.

So...I decided that this would be the day to drag out my teeny, tiny curling iron and curl my hair with lots of ringlets.

Cute, right?

Yes, but I forget that it takes at least half a day to do this.

Oh, did I mention that this wedding was on a Friday?

Which shouldn't be a big deal, since I do everything with my kids, but for some reason, trying to get ready for a wedding without Bill around makes me kind of crazy.

Plus, I was trying to look good!

Oh, AND, we were spending the night away from home that night which meant I had to pack for all of us.

Oh, AND we had two (yes TWO) parties to attend the next day which meant I need appropriate attire and gifts to come with us.

Oh, AND my kids needed to be at the wedding for 5.2 seconds to have a picture taken with my grandparents (this really was cute...my grandparents, with their 21 great grandchildren and 3 youngest grandkids!) but...again, this means I needed appropriate attire for them.

And, I needed to leave the house before lunch and get my kids to the sitters and needed to grab lunch on the way.

Do you see the dilema?

Well, I was handling all of this like a champ (just take my word for it. you don't need to ask my kids. I promise I was doing great)

Finally, running behind...which in the world of trying to get to a wedding on time is NOT ok... we are all about to load up into the vehicle when just like that my DOG GOT LOOSE!!!

I was standing on my sidewalk, pretty ringlets blowing in the wind, camera equipment hanging off one side of me and clothes off the other when I saw that mutt (sorry, I really do love him) run like a flash, right past me, out of the fence and down the street.

I STOMPED my feet and THREW my purse on the ground and SCREAMED "are you freakin kidding me?!?!?!"

I threw all my stuff in the truck

got everyone buckled in

and started down the road looking for my dog.

He is SO lucky that I found him 2 seconds later.

So, once again, we were loaded up, ready to go. I made it about 5 minutes from home when I realized I had forgotten the directions.

Not caring one bit about my earlier tantrum, I had yet another one...this time banging my hands on the steering wheel over and over until I couldn't anymore b.c I need to turn it. You know, to go back home and get my directions.

Well! (sitting up a bit straighter, adjusting my clothes and patting my hair) aren't you so impressed with the great strides I have made to be more rational these past months?!

no?

thats ok. At least I am back =)

Tucker- 5 years

2011-09-29T14:07:00.002-05:00

my little Tuck Tuck! He is getting so big...although really, still so small =)

I adore him!

Tate- 7 years

2011-09-29T13:47:00.002-05:00

This is Teet Teet
as he is known by ALL of his brothers! As if that's what we named him =)

He is getting SO SO tall. He is upt to my chin. Seriously, he is going to be looking me in the eye at the age of 9!

He makes this face all the time....I love it!

he also does this one all the time too....not sure how I feel about this one =)

before and after

2011-09-28T17:02:00.000-05:00

now he is old!!!

how we sleep around here.....

2011-09-28T15:53:00.000-05:00

what it all boils down to

2011-09-22T19:47:00.002-05:00

In some ways I am transitioning to homeschooling really well.

I don't start our day early...not until 10 in fact! That way I don't have to set an alarm and I have time to work out and make a yummy breakfast for my kids and I get to have my quiet time (which turns out to be a NON negotiable for me to make it through the rest of the day)

The mornings are actually and surprisingly relaxing and low key.
I have been working REALLY hard on being calm and patient and even when I am teaching them b. c I want them to love school...and not dread being yelled at by mom.

I said in some ways I am transitioning well b.c, although the morning and school time have gone relatively well....As the day progresses, I kind of lose it.

I am SOOOOO tired. And if I wasn't still editing weddings, I would allow myself to take a nap every day! (I HAVE let myself once or twice)

And I think I use up all my calm and patience and being even during school, b.c it seems to disappear as the evening approaches.

Maybe if Bill was home more I wouldn't feel this way?
I don't know.

Bill has worked crazy hours for the majority of our marriage.

When we were first married, I didn't think anything of it. It was what it was and that was just fine.
Then we started having kids and I started REALLY missing him (He was an over the road truck driver for the first several years we had kids). Like aching for him, missing him.
And he was missing us the same.
SO, we make a decision for him to no longer be over the road.

HOORAY! We would see him more and the missing eachother would be done.

But somehow, this has not been the case. He works MORE now and is gone MORE now than he was when he was over the road. And there doesn't seem to be anything we can do about it.

And I will be honest with you. There was a time when, although I hated how much he was gone, I felt a smidgen of pride when people would say "I don't know how you do it". I felt a little GOOD about the fact that I somehow (ehem....by God's GRACE) could do life decently all alone.

not anymore.

Now I hate it.
I mean, I think I have cried every day for the past 2 months.
We have prayed and prayed and asked God to allow his long hours to be over. Wether its in this job or a new job...I DONT care! Just get him home more!

I don't know what Gods plan is for our lives. I can't figure out why in the world me being home alone, 5 days a week, with 5 little kids all missing him like crazy and Bill, being gone more hours than he is home, feeling like his kids grow in between every time he sees them, missing us so much it hurts.....I can't figure out why this would be His plan.

I do know that I am REALLY getting to understand the verse "in my weakness HIs strength is revealed"

I don't think my weaknesses have ever been so exposed.
I am exhausted
I am not content
I am sick and tired of doing life without my husband
I am edgy
I am crabby
I am deflated
I am just.plain.sad

but his STRENGTH allows me
energy
and patience until things change
and perserverance
and softness
and smiles
and HOPE
and although I am just.plain.sad.....I think I will make it.

And although I MAY be better at being a mom if Bill was home more
it all boils down to the fact that life will never be easy.
it was never promised to be easy.
But what I get to experience by watching God work in my imperfect soul makes me grateful for all the hard.

sigh....how did she get so old?

2011-09-19T21:24:00.004-05:00

My Ella Girl....She is going on 9. It kind of takes my breath away when I think of how fast the last (almost) decade went!

She loves having her pictures taken... a little to my shagrin. She looks way older than I like at times =) But then she is super weird like this.....

and I feel better =)

she tries to strike a serious pose....

and then laughs at herself

I still call her baby girl. I wonder if I will ever NOT call her that?!

Homeschool room and first day of school

2011-09-14T17:23:00.005-05:00

I have spent a LOT of time thinking thru the legistics of this room. I wanted to make sure it was fully functional, inexpensive and not excessive. ....so far I am pleased with everything I have done!

In order to create a "fun" reading envirotment, I got this great seat swing from Ikea (the whole room is from Ikea!)

this is the wall in which they get to display their work....which is already getting full, 3 days in!

my whiteboard (a stick on white board!!) and library shelves (which as of yesterday are FULL FULL)

all the bins of curriculumtheir computer station

FIRST DAY!!!! they were SO excited (as was I!)

first things first...decorate their bins

Tucker. He is in Kindergarten! how did that happen?!

he LOVES math already....

using the swing for independant reading time

Thats our day! Many more to go!!!!!!!!!

My Tad

2011-09-08T22:36:00.004-05:00

Taddly, Taddly mondingo, Tad pole, Taddy...these are just a few of the names we have for him.

Isn't it sad that I have not taken his pictures since he was TEN days old! If only I knew a photographer.......

he looks like he is pouting, but really he isn't! His pout face isn't quite so cute

he loves his shoes....

He stands like this ALL.OF.THE.TIME

THIS is his pouty face. i told you it wasn't as cute!

It only took me almost 2 years, but he finally got his pictures taken! (as did the rest of my kids...they are to come)

my house pictures...FINALLY!

2011-09-08T20:07:00.000-05:00

I want to clarify a few things before you get onto the pictures. The new floors are something Bill and I have wanted to do for YEARS. Along with a couch. We have used hand me down furniture for a long long time.

As you know, we are ALMOST out of debt (this spring!!)and have committed to living a debt free llifestyle. So, to clarify, everything we have done, we have done with cash. We have chosen to do some of these things before we are fully out of debt. We have a very specific plan for where all of our money goes and have felt comfortable with this decision. Since I have talked a lot about getting out of debt and what our past financial struggles have been, I just wanted to clarify! =)

BEFORE: my living room view from my kitchen

AFTER!!! Bill and his friend put in the new wood floors, I painted the walls and got some new furniture!!

the view from our front door

no more kitchen table in my living room!!!

BEFORE: you can see how the fridge and cabinets use to be

AFTER:

AFTER: the view to the kitchen from the living room. when we changed the cabinets around it had a big hole in it...so my fantastic dad make a door. Which I need to paint red. someday!

me sitting on my new couch!BEFORE: hallway

AFTER:

my new rug!!

this wall art was brown so I spray painted it blue!
my new $400 couch =)

Lets help her out!!

2011-08-26T03:37:00.000-05:00

I just got this email from a blog follower:

I have 2 year old twins, and one of the has Mitochondrial Disease. My 14 year old created a page to raise awareness for this rarely known disease. Her goal was to reach 10000 likes in one week, and though she isn't likely to make it quite that far, she has gotten almost 6000 in 6 days. Anyways, I thought I would share it with you, and hope you will share it with others.

Www.Facebook.com/wishgrantedproject

Lets help her reach 10000 friends!!

love handles

2011-08-25T07:00:00.000-05:00

I want to be secure about my body.
I have prayed for YEARS to be ok with my body.
I mean, I want to think about my body the way I think about my nose or my ears or my toes....

meaning, I DON'T think about them at all.

Unfortunately, although I have come a long way in my thoughts in regards to myself....I still have a long ways to go.

I use to be really small.
no tummy.
no back fat.
no love handles.
my arms were toned.
I was just nice looking
=)

of course...I had no idea. I believed I was fat and unattractive.
isn't that sad?

Well, I still am not crazy about my body...
especially since I DO have
a tummy
and back fat
and love handles
and what in the world are toned arms??

But...the wonderful thing is that NOW when I think I am hideous...I recognize it as a LIE.
Before, I thought it was truth.

I KNOW I am not hideous....that doesn't mean my mind doesn't try to convince me otherwise.
but as I said...at least I recognize it as a lie.

So, I am half way there, right?!

I know that this "issue" isn't just my "issue"....and I just felt the need to verbalize it.
for myself.
for you.
for your friend.
I don't really know why, but I learned a long time ago that whenever I keep things inside, they have more control over me

and when I expose them to those around me....the hold this issue has on me is loosened considerably.

I am more than ready to have this hold removed permanently.
And I believe 100% that if I keep seeking HIM in this matter, once He is done teaching me what He needs to teach me in this struggle, I WILL be released.

the bizz

2011-08-24T13:30:00.000-05:00

You may, or may not, have noticed I have not blogged in over a month!

I actually HAVE blogged, but for some reasons my posts aren't posting

Anyways, I have thought a lot about taking a sabatical from posting....I can't really put my finger on it, but felt it would be good for me. I think really, it was just that I was feeling guilty for not blogging very often.

why? ....b.c all 100 of you sit by your computers, refreshing hourly, waiting for my thoughts to appear out in the internet world...right???

But, today I am feeling overwhelmed and I am greatful that for the ability to blog b.c it always leaves me feeling a bit better....
so, overwhelmed. I haven't actually felt that way for a long time. But, this time of year it always happens. This is the point in the year where I have at least half a hand full..if not a full hand full...of weddings waiting to be edited. This pile of things to do is also littered with many hands full of smaller photo jobs.

I LOVE I mean L.O.V.E my job. It couldn't be a better fit for me: my spirit comes alive when I photograph people, my brain feels on fire b.c its WORKING and my children think I am a stay at home mom =)

But, with all things we love...there are things that are hard.
And today, well, the past 30 days and the next 20+ days are hard.
I have too much to do with too little time (hey! someone should market that saying...isn't it brilliant?!?!................oh. it has already been done??)

So, as I watch my house crumble around me and my children spiraling out of control trying to keep themselves busy and my arms are asleep from sitting too many hours at my computer....I will just breath. Remember I am only human...and go take a nap.

introducing...Moose

2011-07-12T23:00:00.003-05:00

If you have been reading for more than a few months, you know we have had a tough go at adding a dog to our family. The day Toots died, Bill and I knew we had to make a decision about what to do next b.c we knew that the kids would want to know IF and WHEN we would be able to try another dog...again. Bill has a friend who ended up with two BIG dogs, and although loved them both, didn't want both.

So....we took 1

We have had him for almost 3 months and although I have been hesitant to post about him, b.c you know...what if...I think its time.

this is Moose.

he is half lab half husky.

he is the best dog our family could have found. He is gentle and calm and tollerant and obediant. and best of all...he doesn't bight my dad or have seizure! We ALL love him!

And, he likes to play games with the kids!

itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polk- a- dot bikini

2011-07-12T15:35:00.003-05:00

as you are all well aware, we are in swimsuit season
I use to not give this season a second thought...I could pretty much put anything I liked on and prance my little self around in it

now, this season is a little bit more...ehem....diffucult for me.
This year especially.
I don't really know what is so drastically different this year than LAST year when I had only had a baby 6 months previous, but this year the battle to find a swimsuit that not only fits me, but looks fantastic or good or....heck, I will take decently non-hideous!!...has taken its toll.

HOWEVER!! There a few things I would NEVER do while trying to find "the one"

I would never buy 5 suits and bring them home only to return every single one the next day

I would never take 5 kids shopping with me to try on swimsuits and for an entire hour make my oldest 3 keep their eyes shut so they don't see me neck-ehd.....

I would never cry b.c I am so frustrated! seriously! where is the section that is meant for mothers of many but but still contain cute suits?!?!?!?

I would never have a tantrum in the dressing room b.c things just ain't goin' so well

lastly....
I would never take pictures of myself in the dressing room using my cell phone to try to get a glimpse of what I REALLY look like in the thing

whew. That's a lot of things I would NEVER do!!

But, I am happy to say I DID find one!
along with a floppy white hat that just made my day!!

disclaimer: the title description of this post does not in any way describe the look of my new suit. Neither do any of the words included in the title description bear any relativity to the look of my new suit. just to make that clear.

Finally!

2011-07-08T16:04:00.002-05:00

I have been working on my new website for months and months! I got my logo in February I believe and have been dying to show it off on my new site! Please take a look around and tell me what you think =)

Trigg

2011-07-07T19:27:00.002-05:00

I might have mentioned once or twice how this child is the strangest one we have.

By strange, I mean, kind of undescribable.

I adore him!

He makes me laugh ever.single.day

He has said some pretty crazy things that describe him SO well I just know I will forget them if I don't write them down! so, here goes:

today, while a friend of mine was watching him Trigg said "can I have some ice cream?" to which my friend said she would have to ask me. he says (quite confidentlly, as he always is) "you can call her. I know her number. Its 45, 65, 6500" then he says "actually, don't call her. Just give me those treat things"

......................................

the other day a police car pulled a car over in front of our house and he says very matter of factly "oh! well! the cops are here to get moose!!" (our dog)

......................................

earlier this week he had to have a consequence for disobeying me so I said "Trigg, you need to come here for your consequence" to which he says (again, very matter of factly) "oh dang it!!!!"

........................................

last friday we had terrible storms that knocked down a huge amount of trees. Our power was out for 48 hours...it was pretty brutal. Anyways, as we have driven around town seeing all the damage Trigg yells with tons of force at each tree he sees down (which is like every 3 feet) "OH.MY.GOSH!!"

After many minutes of this he asked me why there were so many trees down so Iexplained b.c there was really really strong wind that knocked them over. He thought for a second and then says (...you guessed it, matter of factly) "oh. Thats ok then"

=) love him

things can go downhill SO fast

2011-06-29T22:06:00.001-05:00

please notice the paint on his upper lip!

nice

2011-06-29T19:31:00.000-05:00

look who wont stay in his crib anymore and is falling asleep at the door crying instead?

guess who isn't ready for this yet?

13

2011-06-26T09:56:00.006-05:00

this is the number on my mind today
b.c today marks 13 years of being married to my man

I am pretty sure we went from this:

to this in the blink of an eye

I shared on our 10 year anniversary about the struggles we had when we were first married. How I went through a period when I wasn't even sure I had married the right person...and I was so scarred. I need to start with this as I share about how much I love this man...b.c I never want anyone to mistake us for "perfect" or without problems. Because that is far from it.

We have been through more than I ever knew was possible in just 13 years. And I truly believe that had we not gone through all of these things, we wouldn't have fallen completey in love with Christ. And I believe even more that we can love eachother SO SO SO much because of our complete love for Christ.

Which is a beautiful thought b.c that means that ANYONE can love their spouse so so so much....b.c there is a source our there that is just waiting to provide us with His ability to love unconditionaly and reject our selfishness and be able to fall head over heals in love with another person, despite any differences.

But, back to my man.....I love everything about him. I love watching him work......as you can see, so does Tad

I love the way he makes me laugh. He is one of the funniest people I know. Especially when he doesn't try!

I love the way he knows me and gets me and understands me andthe way I know exactly what he his thinking without him needing to say a word.

and nothing makes my heart stop like watching him with our kids. Wether he is working with them

adoring them

teaching them

letting them demolish him!

making their day with play

making them laugh

or praying and worrying for them

and take my breath away at THIS sight!!!!!!

and I would be lying if I didn't say this is just about the sexiest thing I have ever seen=)

yes...I adore this man. I don't deserve him. I don't deserve to be loved the way he loves me. I don't deserve to have a partner that will stand by my side for the rest of my life. But, that is the beauty of having a marriage that is centered on Christ....We end up having what we never thought possible. Not b.c of WHO we are....but b.c of WHO we belong to.

Happy 13th big sexy!!

My sisters house pictures

2011-06-16T17:28:00.002-05:00

I was going to show each room on here...but she just loaded all the pictures on fb, in which I am tagged, so decided to just send you that way =) If you want to see what I did to her house, just take a look at my FB page! =)

quotes

2011-06-16T12:23:00.002-05:00

Tate (7):
He has been watching a lot of the history channel latley...and then telling us all about it! This week was no exception.

We spent the past few days at my sisters with my other sisters in law. Tate was telling Becca all about what he learned about world war 2. In explaining what he learned, he quoted to her something that one of the men being interviewed said. The man said "I didn't understand what the hell was going on"

Becca, trying to not over react to his use of a swear word, decided instead to ask him "Tate, do you like learning about ww2?"

in which he says "Well, Yeah!! But I DONT like learning swear words!"

=)

Trigg (3.5)
After having a bath all by himself, he said to me "mommy! I had a lot of fun with myself in the bath"

oh trigg.

a mom on a mission

2011-06-10T19:27:00.005-05:00

Over the past years, I have developed a bit of a failing bladder

I mean, I can't imagine WHY. I have only allowed 5 babies to sit on it, press on it, grow on it, mangle it, and just plain stretch it out. I mean...everything has its limits, right?

Well, my little bladder sure does.

When I say its not working well...that's an understatement
I mean it DOESN'T work well

You want proof you say? Fine....but remember, you asked for it

I must always wear a pad when running...b.c I pee my pants
When leaning into the car to put a child in, its a dangerous position to be in if I haven't just seconds earlier used the bathroom...b.c I pee my pants
If I am standing minding my own business and you suddenly see me dancing, you best get out of my way...b.c I could pee my pants
If i have had .5 ounces of water and am not 5 feet from the bathroom...I might pee my pants
If I am in the middle of a quick thing such as changing the laundry or putting a shirt on a child or cutting up an apple and I suddenly have to go...I can NOT wait until I am done with what I am doing or.....well....you guessed it. Please don't make me say it again.

Well, the other day, I had been garage saling with my kids (and I was not too proud to ask multiple strangers if I could use their bathroom...but I sure didn't tell them I had just used one 10 minutes away) and upon our arrival home, we were all getting into the house when suddenly my bladder realized it had been 17 minutes since its last....well, whatever. And so I started hurring trying to get the door unlocked and as I tried getting into the house there were kidseverywhere and they were all in my way and I was getting frantic and my breathing was getting faster and I think my heartrate rocketed and so I started running and shoving and pushing and elbowing and they.just.wouldn't.get.out.of.my.way and for the love of all that is good and holy I had to start screaming "MOVE IT!!! MOVE IT !!! OUT IF MY WAY!!"

I think I might have thrown one or two into a wall

and I am almost certain I pulled one off the pot

What was I to do?! I really hate it when I pee my pants!

Winds of Change

2011-06-03T19:49:00.004-05:00

As many of you know, i home schooled Ella her kindergarten year.
I started out knowing I would take it 1 year at a time, hoping it would lead into homeschooling all of my children.

As it turned out, the fall Ella would have been in 1st, Tate in Kindergarten, me working quite a bit became the fall that Tad was to be born.

I just knew I couldn't do it anymore. I would not be good at any of it if I tried.

So, through a lot of prayer, we decided to send our kids to a year round school, which is where they have been the past 2 years.

They have really liked it, have made lots of friends and for the most part have loved their teachers.
Tate, however, has not found all of school to be easy. He is a 7 year old boy...to the extreme. If the average 7 year old boy doesn't focus well, he focuses LESS well. If the average 7 year old boy has difficulty following through with several instructions....he has a hard time following thru with ONE instruction. Needless to say, he has been "in trouble" a lot this year.

Which in many ways is deserved.
But probably more ways not.

You see, when Bill and I parent our kids...we care WAY more about the state of their HEART v.s the state of their BEHAVIOR. And, although we desire for them to behave "well" ...we care WAY more about the attitude behind whatever is happening.

For example, we would rather a child keep doing something incorrectly (whatever that may mean) but with a HEART that desires to get it right vs a child who keeps doing it correctly, but has a heart that is like "screw this" while doing it.

So, with that said...Tate has the "right" kind of heart with, often, the "wrong" outcome.
About 4 months ago I started really wondering if I should consider homeschooling him for a year or two. Just to help him mature a bit and work one on one with him in his lack of focus and follow through.

the SECOND I thought I should pray about it I burst in to tears begging God to NOT make me DO THIS =) hahaha....I was SO looking forward to 3 kids being in school this year. That means I would only have TWO at home!! That sounded amazing and free! I literally could hardly breath thinking of homeschooling.

Well, a few days went by and my dramatic reaction decreased considerably...enough that I was able to speak my thoughts to Bill. We both decided we would just see how the year goes and keep on praying.

Fast forward 4 months and I am becoming more and more convinced that I should homeschool him. I have started to really worry that if he has another year or two like this one, where he is always in "trouble" that he might become totally disinterested in school. (he HATES when he gets it wrong...he cries and cries and tells us how much he wants to listen good and focus good. In fact, he asks me every morning to pray for him that he can "focus good"!)

Once I came to this conclusion, I started getting excited about it. I mean, I will never be pregnant again, my youngest will be almost TWO (gulp!), I am less and less tired all the time as my youngest gets older!! And then I realized that if I was going to school him, why wouldn't I Ella and Tucker too?!

Once again, I mentioned this to Bill. He loved the idea right away. He said, again, lets pray about it for awhile and see where it goes.

Well...it has gone to me telling the school today that my kids will not be attending their next year!!

Amazing how such things can take place! Just a few weeks ago I was that mom who loved the idea of homeschooling but thought she wasn't cut out for it.

I guess God had a different idea on that!!

(I should mention that we asked each of the kids what their thoughts of homeschooling would be and they ALL said they would LOVE it!!)

Dining Room

2011-06-02T16:11:00.004-05:00

Here are pictures from Rachels house! Starting with the dining room.....

before with previous owners stuff
AFTER!!!

the ugly (not original to the house) tile....

and the tile painted!!

My "art work"...haha, I know its not super impressive, but I did paint it!

mantel decor

More rooms to come!!

you know you have been gone a long long time

2011-06-02T08:32:00.003-05:00

...when after being home you hear at least one child say at least once per hour "mommy, I missed you so much and I love you so much and I am so glad you are home"

...when you make maccaroni and cheese with hot dogs for dinner your first night back b.c its all you can find and they rave and rave about how amazing of a cook you are

...when you find a song your daughter wrote that goes something like this:
I lov eyou so much mommy and I miss you so so so so much and I cry all the time and I am begging you to please come home! I love you so so so much!

(sniff sniff)

...when even if they are naughty you think its adorable

...when you are at a hotel with your kids and your 19 month old sticks a glow stick in the air conditioning unit and its stuck and you can see it glowing as it is spinning around and around and so you use another glow stick to try to get it out and it gets sucked up and now there are 2 glow sticks and your husband just sits there watching, shaking his head wondering what in the world were you thinking (ok...that doesn't really apply, but I liked the story)

its good to be back!

oh my beautiful girl!

2011-05-20T13:16:00.002-05:00

Ella was recently in a ballet production.....it was her first time on a "big stage" as she called it and her first time having any sort of a roll. The musical had 3 older girls that the story was centered around....and Ella played the younger version of one of these girls. She had a very small speaking part and then danced in about half the dances! Here she is, free styling around her "older self" (obviously the older self isn't in this photo!)

I can not stop staring at this picture.....Neither Bill or I are graceful. And I just see such GRACE in her when she dances! (I am not lying when I say I cry everytime I see her dance)

sigh.....I adore her!

and I just HAD to share!!

*************************************************************************************

also....Did I tell you that I am decorating my sisters house for her?!? (I LOVE to decorate!) Well, I am...we did the majority of the shopping a few months ago, but this week we get to put everything that's in my head into reality!!! I can hardly wait!!

We have a lot of work ahead of us....but I am SO excited!

And, since I have been in a bit of a blogging funk lately, I am asking you for inserpation....while I am gone, please oh please tell me what I should blog about when I get back! Anything in my (insert sarcasm) overly-fascinating life you are dying to know about?! Or my exceptional parenting skills you are in need of knowing about? (exit sarcasm)

=)

***********************************************************************************

LAST.....here is a little funny from my Tucker:

Tate hurt Tucker the other night by hitting him with "something" in my room. When I finally got Tucker to stop crying, I was able to ask what this "something" was...."you know" he said "the thing that covers your nipples..."

a bra????
yes.

I am THAT mom....

2011-05-16T19:31:00.004-05:00

I am taking the lead from my bloggy friend...and I promise that although a few of mine will match, I am not copying her =)

...who calls her kids rotten and
they know it means "I adore you"

...who tells my truck driver husband
it doesn't matter if they get dirty

...who will drive around for an hour
just to find the perfect "puddle jumping" puddle

...who, when my kids fall and get hurt
make them (really just encourage them)to try it again ...I rarely tell them NOT to do it again

...lets my kids pick out their own clothes
even though they rarely match

...refuses to makes decisions about my kids out of fear,
because we could be afraid of everything

...calls sexual organs by their given names to my kids
and they aren't embarassed

...would rather my kids grow into the adults they were created to be vs
being something "I" might want them to be

...wont mind if my kids choose to go to college,
or choose not to go to college....as long as they are true to themselves

...tell my kids they can't have pop (or soda or coke...whatever you call it) b.c its bad for them
but have a hard time not drinkng it myself

...loves to play video games with her boys,
even though they always win

...always cook, clean, bake, etc with lots of little hands involved,
b.c they love it and I wont do it all

...thinks the greatest thing my kids could ever "achieve"
is a head over heels, cant get enough , love for Christ

...can go and go and go, getting a gazillion things done,
but really can't make myself push them on the swing

...loves to do puzzles with her kids

...will paint my boys' toenails if they request
(they always stop requesting after age 3)

...who wants my kids to see me and their daddy hugging and kissing and loving eachother,
and I hope they are as affecionate with their spouses someday!

...who is crazy in love with my kids
but they drive me crazy and wear me out

...who talks about the Bible and Christ all the time,
but am really bad at acutally reading it to them

...who loves the idea of homeschooling,
but am not cut out to do it

....who, although I don't "homeschool",
am always teaching

...who buys about 50% of their clothes on clearance, 40% used and 10% full price
( I have no idea of these percentages are accurate...just a guesstamate!)

...who refuses to have a million toys,
and encourage them to use anything and everythign in the house to imagine in their playing

...who has a really hard time doing bedtime alone,
which means most the time I don't do bedtime very good

...will drive 8 hours with 5 kids to Chicago alone,
but refuses to stop at the post office with them!

...who wont apologize for my boys being energetic and loud,
b.c they aren't doing anything wrong

...cries everytime I watch Ella dance,
b.c she is graceful beyond words description (and its NOT from me!)

What about YOU?!

=), ;), =(...but mostly =)

2011-05-13T19:32:00.003-05:00

If you ever get texts from me, you probablly know that I am a bit obsessive with the smiley face =)

It just makes the text so much more personable! Texts can easily seem so blunt and harsh.

For example:

no (seems so sad and like life is bad) VS.
no =) (oh!! life is good! everyone is lighthearted and ok!)

Well, my phone died and I just recieved my new on in the mail yesterday (but was using and old one of ours...that we forgot we had, or I wouldn't have ordered a new one....for a few days)

and NEITHER phone has the SMILEY face ability!!

I feel so naked and foreign with all my texts not having a big smile throughout!

So now, if you get a text from me, it will be like this:

no... smile!

=)

super confused

2011-05-13T12:22:00.000-05:00

I had two posts on here that I wrote a day or two ago, one about Trigg and one about thanking everyone for their love and they are both gone?!?!? anyone else using blogger have missing posts?

this kid....

2011-05-11T14:27:00.000-05:00

Trigg is as unique a child as I have ever met. We really have no idea where he came from, b.c he is NOTHING like either Bill or myself. If you have met him...you understand.

Yesterday, while I was taking care of Toots, my friend had my boys that aren't in school.
Trigg, of course, being one of them.

First, he helped himself to 2 of their toothbrushed (for him and Tad...he shares you know) and found the desitin to slather on so they could brush their teeth.
nice.
luckily she found them before the started applying they butt protector to their teeth.

Next, he was in her boys' room and he found some of their money. He takes it and walks out to find her and says (in his deep husky voic) "Mah-ndy....I need to keep this money b.c I don't have any money. My mommy doesn't have any money for me so I will just keep this money"

thankfully he didn't just pocket it.
and of course he didn't get to keep it.

This is just a small example of how he works!

so much love!

2011-05-11T14:23:00.000-05:00

Thank you everyone for your well wishes and prayers for us~ I know that losing a dog isn't the "worst thing" that can happen...but it didn't make it any less hard to experience. Thank you for being sad on our behalf!! =)

Also, the kids took the news SO much better than I expected.

Thankfully, I listened to my husbands wisdom. I had originally planned on bringing her home yesterday so the kids could say goodbye to her before we had to put to sleep.

Bill did NOT think this idea was good. He was afraid it would make the situation more tramatic for her. Through sobbing I agreed.

Although they were/are very sad, I think it wasn't as painful as when we brought Seeka back b.c She was "just gone"

A hard day

2011-05-10T14:22:00.005-05:00

I have been so excited to post the pictures of us getting our new puppy, Toots. But, between my computer crashing and LIFE it just hasn't happened yet!

I started getting them ready yesterday to post...and now today I am ready, but I am not longer excited to share.

You see, last night, we came home from Ella's talent show at school to find her having an awful seizure in her kennel. It took about an hour for her to seem to fully come out of it, still not 100% herself. It was the hardest thing I have ever watched! We called the breeder, (who we love) and she came over immeditaley. To make a long story short, we realized that Toots had a genetic issue and her father had produced 2 other puppies earlier this year that were having awful seizures (the breeder didn't realize this connection until she saw Toots....I trust her 100% as a reputable, responsible breeder) And these puppies had to be put to sleep b.c the seizures were unable to be controlled

We were hopeful that Toots would be just fine....We woke up this morning to her not quite herself, but still hopeful. Within about half an hour of dropping the kids off at school, she had another seizure. I called the vet immeditaley, and was there within an hour

While waiting for the vet, she had another seizure. I started bawling b.c I knew this many so close together couldn't be good. The vet came and carried her into the room and was so kind...to her and to me.

He knows our breeder very well and knew the history with Toots. He gently told me that, although we could put her on seizure medicine for awhile, her quality of life would be no good. He explained that when a dog develops seizures so young, there is really no chance for them. Of course, I was still bawling, called Bill and we decided together that we would have them put her to sleep today instead of making her poor body go through all of this any longer.

The vet assured us we could bring her home, but she wouldn't be herself b.c she would need to be on so much medicine to keep her comfortable.

I sat with the vet while she passed away.....I am bawling typing this! We only had her 3 months but we all loved her. I am not looking forward to telling the kids...especially after having just gone thru something so similar not too long ago.

Rest in Peace our beautiful puppy!

May 3=7 years old

2011-05-09T14:44:00.002-05:00

We have always said that who Tate is is all about contradictions. Such as:

He is my sweetest...and my most difficult

He is my bravest...and most afraid

He is always thinking of others (no contradiction there (=)

In some ways he could care less what someone thinks of him....

but it takes very little to hurt his feelings

He is quiet and entranced....and he never stops talking

He can focus for 3 hours while sitting still in a fishing boat....

but he can't stand still to focus on the 2 step instructions we are giving him

He is handsome....and beautiful

He is wonderful....and well, just really really wonderful

Happy 7th Birthday Tater!

a week

2011-04-27T19:59:00.004-05:00

I feel a bit strange sitting here at my keyboard.
Like I am home, but a stranger all at the same time!

For several years I have blogged almost everyday, if not every day. Hearing the click clack of the computer keys as my thoughts turn into words...some deep and painful, some light and humorous, some just factual. But they have all been ME.
My mission...yes, I have had a mission...in having this blog has been to be REAL.
The older I get, the more frustrated I get with how many people ARE NOT REAL. Is it b.c they are insecure? Or prideful? Or afraid of what others will think? Do they even realize they aren't real?

I figure, what in the world is the point in this life if we pretend to be something we aren't.

Last week, Bill and I came up against one of our worst nightmares. Its the type of thing you know happens and is out there...but b.c you are aware of it, it certainly can't happend to your family.
I have found this isn't true.
Although I want nothing more than to be real...I have chosen, out of respect for all involved, not to share any details.
Please know that we are all recovering and doing fine. Great actually....
b.c thru this hellish experience, we could feel God like nobodys business. How fantastic it is to know he walks thru even the depths of it all with us. And in addition...a beatuiful friendship, which I believe is becoming rooted down deep, has blossomed out of this. It was in the beginning stages of budding before last week...but now, its in full bloom.
For this, I am forever grateful.

Now that I have layed that all out there, I am feeling a little less like a stranger at my keyboard.
now to see if it stays that way long =)

finally! Internet!....and something a bit more important

2011-04-08T13:33:00.002-05:00

My computer started crashing 3 weeks ago...I could barley get online to check my business email and then finally, 2 weeks ago, it totally crapped. As my brother says...it gave me the blue screen of death. I have had my new computer for a week, but just finally got it connected to the internet (and by that I mean I didn't realize it didn't come with a wireless card so at the moment my computer is in my laundry room so I can be hardwired to my router! haha) Oh my gosh...but NONE of that is important b.c.....I AM AN AUNT!! Those of you who have been following for awhile know that my sister and her husband have been trying to adopt for a year and a half. It has been a road littered with heartbreak....but this week, all that has been washed away b.c Aida Marie was born...just for them to parent!

Isn't she beautiful?!?! I get to hitch a ride south next weekend to meet her.

SIGH!!!!!!!!!!!! What a beautiful baby! I love her already! (they get to bring her home TODAY!!)

potty toy

2011-03-15T20:41:00.003-05:00

my 16 month old is fascinated with toilets.
I understand this isn't unusual for this age child, but I have not yet had a child like this

So, I am sure you can understand my horror and surprise when I looked into the toilet, right about ready to flush, and saw a toy floating in it...amongst my liquid deposit

What does a girl do? I certainly thought about professing cluelessness and flushing....

"honey, I have no idea what in the world stopped up the toilet!"

but instead, I put on my brave face and dove in....well, as much as one dives into a toilet.
my poor hand.

I walked out of that bathroom swearing I will always look before I sit on a toilet again.

5 hours later.....
re-read the entire story.

seriously...how does one pee on a toy twice in one day??

A peak into our van

2011-03-14T15:49:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, after showing off our new puppy to my parents, we stopped at the car wash on the way home.

A semi-warm day in MN winter equals a VERY busy car wash. Needless to say, we sat in line for over half an hour. With 5 kids in the back. 5 tired, borderline crabby kids. We knew a distraction activity was in line.

So, we pulled out the big guns: Eye Spy (ok, I get that this isn't really "the big guns", but Bill and I were also tired and borderline crabby ;) and so playing any kind of car game felt equivalent to us pulling out heavy, large, guns)

We played a few rounds and at last it was Bill's turn.

"Eye spy, with my little eye, something I like a lot and want to have with me all the time....."

before he could even finish his description 3 little (not so quiet) voices yelled out "MOMMY!!"

ahhhhh, yes. Apparently they pay attention to the way their daddy talks to me =)

ten ways I know

2011-03-11T16:52:00.004-06:00

I have spent the majority of the past 2 years dead tired.
I mean like REALLY dead tired.

I realized today that I am no longer DEAD tired.

Here are some of the ways I know this (no listed in any order):

1.when I drop some food on the floor while cooking.....I pick it up
2.when I walk into the laundry room, there are usually only 3 baskets of laundry to be done....instead of 3 baskets and 17 piles
3.I actually do my breakfast dishes....after breakfast...vs. at dinner time
4.the thought of getting dressed doesn't make me want to cry....and my hair is fixed!
5.I no longer require a nap at 10 a.m every day
6.I pay my bills (I am not gonna lie, I don't do a great job of this when I am overdone by life!)
7.I read to my kids...without effort!
8.We are about to get a puppy....And I am EXCITED!!!
9.I look at my mail
10.My toenails are painted!

I think I have a problem

2011-03-02T16:24:00.003-06:00

(please take notice of the baby girl DOLL shirt Tad is wearing...thanks to Ella)
I tend to pride myself in the fact that I don't parent out of my emotions (very often)...which means, if my children are being naughty and are in need of consequences, I am able to follow through no matter how they act.....aka, they can't make me feel bad with tears or make me feel intimidated with tantrums, etc.
I have had 4 children try and try and try to break me of this...and I am VERY proud to say, non have been successful!
until now.....this kid. Number 5. This tiny little adorable kid who laughs ALL. OF. THE. TIME.
I mean, you really kind of have to experience it to understand it.
All you have to do is LOOK at him and he laughs from his gut....as if he just might cry b.c he is laughing so hard.
When he was in the hospital with both pneumonia and a broken leg, he got regular visits from the nurses saying "I heard this is where the happy baby is!"
Well, last week, he was being deliberately naughty (yes mom..I know its hard to imagine!). He kept picking up a picture frame, staring me down and chucking it across the room.

I was very firm with him and (age appropriately) scolded him.

To which he responded by RUNNING into my arms, laughing so hard he couldn't even keep his balance, thus falling all over me, laughing and moving and laughing some more

and I am very ashamed to admit.....I laughed. And couldn't stop laughing!

OH NO!!! He has figured out my weakness!
And as Bill pointed out...he will most likely share this secret with his siblings and my discipline abilities will be down the drain!

=)

My name is Melissa...do you remember me?

2011-03-01T16:07:00.002-06:00

holy cow....I can't believe how long its been since I have blogged! I don't think I have EVER gone that long, minus being on vaca!

So what in the heck have I been up to?

-had a ski weekend with my sister and 2 SIL's....was it fun?!?!? it was freakin FANTASTIC!!

-my sister came home with me for the week!

-went directly into 2 days of being dumped on by snow=Bill being home more than normal and all of us laying around watching movies. LOVE doing that!

-Spend FOUR days shopping non-stop to find all the goods we (Rachel and I) need to decorate her house

did I tell you she gave me the responsibility of doing this?! I am SO SO SO excited

I have had "pictures" in my head of what I wanted to do for each room and it was so fun shopping that into reality! 4 days, 4 Home Goods, 3 TJ Max, 1 Macys Home store, a gazillion thrift stores, a handful of Targets and some others I can't remember and we GOT THE JOB DONE!
We will be able to put it all together when they move in May!

-all of us have sore throats so we spent the weekend lounging and now still have sore throats along with some other body ailments.....I think we have turned into the house that is always sick! =)

-Got my hair cut and my bangs are freakishly short....which is NOT a good look for my round face....I am trying to pretend it doesn't bother me, but it actually wont leave my mind!
=)

Now....just catching back up on life. Albums. Editing. Playing with my kids. Laundry. You know...the basics

How have YOUR past 2 weeks been?

conversation with Tate

2011-02-18T09:18:00.001-06:00

me: Tate, I adore you!
Tate: Thanks mommy.......................................what does that mean?
me: It means I love you and am proud of you and can't stop thinking about you and...
Tate: Oh MOMMY! I can't stop thinking about you either! Or Daddy! Or my family.

I just keep on thinking and thinking and thinking!

Tucker and Jesus

2011-02-17T19:39:00.003-06:00

Several months ago, we got a phone call from my nephew, Jackson (2 weeks younger than Tucker and his BEST friend) saying "I get to go to heaven with daddy!!!"

He was SO excited b.c he had asked Jesus to be his savior! And I guess he thought only his daddy would be there =)

So, later that day, I told Tucker (knowing he would want to know all about it). He replied immediately with "oh, I already know Jesus"

I told him that in a way, he was right...he knew a lot about Jesus. And I knew he loved Jesus but that at some point in life you get to choose if you want to let Jesus be your guide, your director...your savior.

We didn't talk much more at that point but over the next several weeks he asked us question after question about Jesus and God. It was very obvious he was trying to understand and process this information.

Then one night, he and I were snuggled into my bed chatting when suddenly the conversation moved onto God. It happened so fast, I wish I could remember exactly what it was that we talked about, but before I knew it...he was asking me to help him pray and ask Jesus to be his savior.

We did! I danced around with him and told him the angles were having a party in heaven for him and that we needed to have a party for him that night!!

He got SO embarrassed and said "me don't want to have a party for me"
So, we respected his request and went against our desires and didn't have a party...but we WERE excited!

Since this night, he regularly asks/tells us about God. He always tells us "God is my best daddy....he is my daddy in heaven. I like calling him my daddy. Daddy is my daddy on earth. He is my best daddy too."

Man, he sure "gets" what it means to love Jesus. The other day I said "Tucker, you are so amazing!" and he said "Mommy, I am NOT amazing...GOD is amazing"

so true baby, so true

Seriously, the best

2011-02-10T19:14:00.002-06:00

I know most people would claim that they have the best family.
But, I must argue that I INDEED do have the best family.

If you have been following my blog for any length of time, you know that Bill works. A lot. If you haven't been following long...he generally works 70-80 hours a week, sometimes more.

We have actively been getting out of debt for the past 3.5 years and will be out of debt (minus our house) this year (oh my gosh, I get chills just writing that!) which means he wont HAVE to work this much. starting soon.

[you can read this story in these three posts]

anyways, totally side tracked there....

all this was to explain that this fall, my awesome baby brother called me to say that he and his wife (my sis) and my other family members were treating Bill and I to an OVER NIGHT ALONE (did you catch the alone part???) and tickets to a WILD game!!

on NEW YEARS EVE!!

And he and his wife (Becca) were going to spend their new years eve......watching out kids.

So, we went.
We had a complete blast.
We talked a ton.
We laughed a ton.
And, of course...we slept a ton ;)

See....I told you I have the best family!

Ella's Birthday Date!!!

2011-02-09T20:07:00.005-06:00

THIS was the date Bill and I were looking for MONTHS! We collected money from everyone who buys Ella a birthday gift, which allowed us to buy her an AMERICAN GIRL DOLL!!!!
And...we got to eat lunch at the eatery!
It seriously was THE MOST fun date ever.
She couldn't BELIEVE she was getting her own doll! We don't usually get to indulge our kids in such a way...so this was EXTRA fun. Both Bill and I got choked up several times while shopping. What babies!
Ella has wanted a doll for several years (naturally) but she has NEVER even hinted about getting one.
She pours over the magazines and shows us all the things she loves.
She tells us all about the dolls her friends and cousin have...with much excitement for them...but never with any feeling sorry for herself.
That made us that much MORE excited to buy her the doll!
She chose Elizabeth since she is being retired.
lunch was just as much fun as picking out her new bff!

they had questions we could ask eachother...which she loved reading to us. It was so strange hanging out with our daughter having her READ to us!
Bill is ALWAYS sneaking in kisses

I have no idea what I am laughing at here...I know we laughed a ton that afternoon
I could be a princess...
adorable. somehow that doesn't seem quite like the right word to use.

She was embarrassed when they sang to her

Seriously....non of us will ever forget this date!

2/2/11=Trigg turning 3!

2011-02-07T21:17:00.005-06:00

Putting "Trigg" into words is like putting a camel in my pocket...it's really just not possible.

But, I will try.
In all honesty, this kid is a mess. Like, most the day.... a mess.
I am not talking food and dirt...I am talking emotions and tears.
For example, we chose not to give him a birthday party b.c really, we weren't sure he would be any fun. We pretty much assumed he would not want anyone to hug him or make a big deal about him...which, in our opinion, is simply NOT fun.

I would like to say it's just b.c he is shy...but I must be honest and say he is just a bit moody ;) He LOVES being the center of attention...if it's on his terms.

Really, he pretty much loves anything...if it's on his terms ;)

We use the word "entitlement" about him all the time, b.c really, he just thinks he is entitled to everything! He includes himself in the parent equation.
Example:
One day he boldly announced to Tucker "Tucker...YOU are not the boss. ME and MOMMY and DADDY are the boss!"

:)

Don't worry, although he would love to run the house...he certainly doesn't.

He is also the most loving child ever. He says "thank you" about EVERYTHING. He insists that we hug and kiss him at least several times before he goes to bed. He regularly RUNS full speed at our legs, grabs on and says "I love you!!"

And, despite his ridiculous moods, he is a VERY happy child....he has the best laugh. He smiles like nobody's business and he genuinely likes to share.
Especially his gum!

He loves small, tiny little things...like the men that come in the lego box. You know, the tiny little guys that are like an inch and a half tall? He will carry one around for weeks. And never seems to loose it!

There is just a quality about him that is so unique...we have simply never met anyone else like him! (example: he is QUITE delighted with himself that he is wearing Ellas ballet ensemble in this photograph!)

So...like I said, trying to put this kid into words is almost impossible....almost as impossible as trying to describe how much I love him!!

no words needed

2011-02-06T21:12:00.000-06:00

I need your help!

2011-01-31T15:17:00.002-06:00

poll: assuming you are looking at a wedding photography website, (you know, such as mine!) how would you prefer the categories to be layed out:

a. by individual weddings (you would see individual weddings if you met with the photographer)

b. by individual categories (ie. getting ready, details, couples, etc)

c. all mixed up together

your input would be really helpful!!

hhmmmm....

2011-01-31T12:40:00.002-06:00

Trigg: Mommy, you have DRAGON eyes

Me: Dragon eyes?? what are those?

Trigg: (pointing at my eyes and says) those are dragon eyes!

sigh

2011-01-29T16:39:00.002-06:00

this is my baby.
my LAST baby!
and he is so quickly becoming a NON baby!
He is still not walking (at 15 mo) which makes him MORE baby like....but that time is going to be ending soon!
wow.
just like that.
sigh....

The night of the enema. plural.

2011-01-21T19:17:00.002-06:00

About 6 months after Bill and I got married, a friend of ours arrived on our doorstep with a PUPPY in hand.

A puppy he was sure we should own.
He had found it on the side of the road. He had him checked out at the vet. They said he was a go.
You know, meaning he was all healthy and stuff.

Being that we are complete suckers for anything that pees and poops (we do have 5 kids ya know) we said YES! We will take the dog.

It was not long until we realized that this dog was in fact NOT healthy. He wasn't terminal....it was worse. He had some issues with his kidneys that caused him to never ever ever go to the bathroom unless he was in his kennel. or in my living room. or in the bedroom. or pretty much anywhere but outside.

Oh....you think I am just talking urine? I am SOOO not just talking urine. I am talking poop....really really bad, big, stanky poop.

He regularly went in his kennel....and I regularly was home alone and had to clean it up. And I regularly threw up every time I had to clean out his kennel. And then had to clean up my throw up. It was a sad sad thing to witness.
We realized that as long as he could be outside, he would be fine...but it was the middle of winter, and if you don't know anything about REAL winter....you can never put a dog outdoors (to stay) in the middle of winter. It needs to be done in the fall so his coat can thicken up as it gradually gets colder.
So, we kept him inside...and he slowly made our basement smell like a sewer. It was terribly embarrassing.

I tell you this story b.c I am NOT good with poop. Remember, I threw up everytime I cleaned his kennel.

Another time, one of our kids somehow pooped on the carpet in our living room....Bill was home and gracious enough to clean it up.
But, I could still smell it.
And I threw up.
But as I ran to the toilet, his body was positioned in such a way that his back was blocking my aim and I threw up on his back.

Like I said...not good with poop.

So, fast forward to present day...I have a baby who has been constipated for about 6 months. We have done everything that 3 doctors have suggested and it has only gotten worse.

Finally, this past week, the time had come.
He was in pain. He was miserable. He needed to poop.
It was time for an enema.

Now, I have never had or given one of these before and I was really tempted to drag all 5 kids to urgent care, pay the $20 co pay and try to entertain all of these hoodlums for the hours upon hours it takes to be seen.
Instead, I sucked it up and went and bought one to do myself.
3 actually...you never know.
Plus, I had to go to 3 stores before I found any so I thought I might as well stock up.

Home we go.
I warm up the bathroom.
I lay a (old gross) towel in the tub.
I lay my naked baby on the towel.
And well....I do the deed.

But, it wasn't so easy. I had to try 3 times to empty the vile (I really am trying as hard as I can to not be too graphic here...but someone has GOT to hear my story!)
He was screaming harder than when he broke his femur!

Finally it was done.
And so we waited. and waited. and waited a bit more.
It had been over 30 minutes and nothing. I had been told by a nurse earlier that day it would happen in a few minutes and if it got to 30 minutes I would need to bring him in.

So, I called the dr. I told the triage nurse all of this information and she said to me

"what do you want US to do if you bring him in?"

???????????

I didn't know it was my job to tell the nurse what to do!

After she realized I was a bit baffled by her response she told me to go ahead and give him another one!

right. easy for her to say.

So...I went in with the second one......
I am trying so hard not to cry. He is screaming and clawing at me and I am pretty much chasing him around the tub trying to keep the thing...ehem....in....squirting him and me b.c he is moving so much.
It was really so disgusting.

Finally...an hour later, it started to come.
and come
and come
and come
and come

and please please please...for my sake try to imagine half a bathtub full of poop that had been sitting inside this child for months.

I opened up the door of the bathroom for a second b.c Trigg was knocking....just the wiff make him start gagging. I threatened him that he better not even think about throwing up on my carpet!

A few more minutes later he was done.
And he was exhausted.
And my tub was disgusting.

But I am so proud to say that I DID NOT THROW UP!!

I am doing something I haven't done since the year we got married!

2011-01-21T08:54:00.003-06:00

I am FURNITURE shopping!!

For COUCHES

that's right...plural

for my family room AND living room

I can hardly stand it

or believe it!!!!!!!

We bought a couch the year we got married but since then have all hand me down furniture. Which has been fine...but now, NOW I get to PICK what I want!!!!!!

I feel like such a grown up!!!

pee in the pot

2011-01-19T13:44:00.002-06:00

Potty training. Its something every parent has to do at one point or another...at least I hope so, or some poor soul is wondering around the 5th grade wearing depends b.c they have out grown the Luvs!

As I am at the beginning of journey number 4 of potty training, a friend asked me for my advice on how its done.

As always, I preface with saying, i know I didn't write the book on this subject (would anyone even read that book?!), I know there are lots and lots of ways....but I am sharing my way. Being that I am now a bit of veteran in the department, I feel a bit comfortable offering my advice!!

Potty training can be easy. Or it can be hell. It can be fast or it can be stretched out for all eternity...or at least several months. But face it, when dealing with a peeping, pooping child who can't seem to remember to sit on the pot first, it can feel like all eternity.

Being that I really prefer to do as many things the EASY way if at all possible.....this is what I suggest. You might want to write it down.

Wait until they are ready.
period.
exclamation mark.
and another period.

How do you know if they are ready? Its not their age....seriously NOT their age.
It's when they become aware of what's going on inside of their pants. And they want it off (the pants I mean) b.c its uncomfortable for them. It's when they don't cry every time they see a toilet. It's when they are interested....in what you are doing in the bathroom, in underwear, in trying to sit on the toilet, etc.

All 4 of my older kids have all had a few weeks around the age of 2 that they have seemed ready.
Woohoo! I thought! I am gonna have kids trained young!
But, for whatever reason, this desire to be out of diapers slipped away for each of them after about 2 weeks.

After child number 2, I just ignored their pleas to go on the toilet at the age of 2 b.c I didn't believe them anymore

=) you can call me cynical

You can spend weeks and weeks and weeks having your child sit on the toilet every 10 minutes (seriously, I know people who had done this and it has worked for them) ....*I* can't. I don't have the time or the desire.

So, I would rather them just be in diapers until they are ready.

And when they are ready...it takes a few days. And those few days really aren't a big deal. It's just helping them develop the habit of remembering to go the bathROOM instead of the local couch, chair, floor, etc. They most likely wont tell you when they have to go for the first day or two...so you will want to have them sit on the toilet every few hours....and as long as they go, you know you can wait a few more hours.

If you think your child is ready and 3 days in they aren't doing any better than they were the first day, I say, put them back in diapers and wait a few months. It wont confuse them. They will survive just fine.

As far as a toilet or a potty chair...let your child decide. Two of mine hated the potty chair. Two have insisted on it.

Also, until they are going full time on their own, we always give them a small treat (1 m&m or mike and ike for pee...2 for poop) to encourage them.

Good luck =)

The things they say

2011-01-16T18:42:00.002-06:00

Its time to write down a few of the things my kids say that I never want to forget:

Ella-

instead of "snuck" she says "snook". Like "he snook into the room"

Trigg-

always calls Tad "my baby brother tad"
grapes are carrots and carrots are grapes
toys are "tays"
little bit is "lohly bit"
Little House on the Prairie is "lohly prairie in the house"

Tucker-

always says to me "you are my best mommy" so I tell him he is my best Tucker and he says with genuine delight "THANK YOU!"

I can't think of anything Tate says right now and Tad doesn't say anything except for screaming MAMA when he is mad =)

2010 in pictures

2011-01-07T17:52:00.039-06:00

Ella turned 7
and we took her on her first birthday date!

which included getting her ears pierced!
I loved getting use to having 5 kids!

my friend Jenni and I took a vacation....with 5 kids....to Chicago

Trigg turned 2
Tate lost his first tooth
Grandpa wrestled
Grandma snuggled
the other Grandpa crawled into bed and told bear hunting stories
Tucker "learned" how to nurse
We drove around for an hour looking for a puddle to puddle jump!

Ella learned to read....and loved reading to her brothers
We discovered just how happy of a boy Tad is
We rode bikes with snow on the ground
and slouched away b.c we are too young to ride
played make believe of every variety

and colored non stop
Trigg "painted" my floor redand admired the bubbles it took to clean it up
Ella continued to hone her ability to put on makeup
and lost several teeth
The kids(along with some friends) raised $888 for the Haiti Relief fund

I made my first trip to New York City...WITH my sister!

Bill made Ella cry
by almost killing himself trying to jump the kids' toys
my siblings and I had a spur of the moment football game...

with 9 kids as specators
I gave a talk on living a life of chaos at the prayer retreat at my church
then Tad and I flew to Chicago for a long weekend....compliments of my parents
Tate turned 6 and we took him on his first birthday date!

we got mohawks
and attended the kids first school concertTucker had his first BMX race...and after falling the first time was able to complete the track on his second time
We jumped on our neighbors trampoline

my kitchen went from this:
to this:
Trigg began his obsession with never leaving Tad alone
Tad became flexible
Trigg claimed to want to start potty training...and then had a fit when I did it outside
we washed vehicles
And went to Castaway
where we got to rock climb, watch papa work, swim, run, yell, run more....

Bill and I got our first flat screen tv!
I taught them how to climb door jams
We went on vacation with (most of) my family

Tad fell down a flight of stairs and broke his femur.....

and 3 days later our family took a family vacation....
where we found a frog jumping contest
and hung out at the lake
and fished

we went to a family wedding
And Trigg found Ellas play makeup
Tucker and Jackson turned 4 and wanted a party together
Tate started 1st grade
Ella started 2nd
Ella cooked every chance she got
Bill threw the kids around on their bikes
Trigg pouting....
Ella set a candle light dinner for Bill and I
And then ended up in the hospital b.c we thought she needed her appendix out

Tate learned how to shoot a bow and arrow...and is really good at it!
Papa taught Tuck how to shoot a gun
Tad turned 1...and loved his cake
Our family went tot he apple orchard again...and had so much fun

we (by we, I mean Bill and friends) put a fence up in our yard
and of course they had lots of spectators...
and helpers!I got to go to NYC for the SECOND time!! this time with Rachel AND Bridgit!

The boys helped papa clean fish
Tad continued to smile!
and we played a lot
we decorated the tree as a family

and loved owing Seeka for 3 months
2010 (along with the last half of 2009) was the hardest year of our life thus far....exhausting us to the core, stretching us further that we have ever been stretched....and yet, look how amazing the year was!

Someday the exhaustion will pass and when it does, we will be left with some of the happiest memories we have created! I love how God works it that way

Happy 2011!!

Harder than I imagined

2011-01-05T10:30:00.002-06:00

so, Bill and I knew that telling the kids we had to bring Seeka back the the breeder would be hard....but it was SO much harder than we thought

Bill explained to them that she bit papa and b.c of that, along with her past aggressive behavior, we couldn't keep her; that she is a really big dog and could hurt someone really bad if we kept her.

Ella and Tate started crying.
then bawling.
then sobbing.

I was a bit taken back by their response. Especially Ella....I think we underestimated how much she had taken to her.

Bill was going to take her back alone, but the kids all insisted on going with, so we agreed. We all said our good byes to her...except Trigg who had no idea what was going on. In fact, when we left the house he was SO excited that Seeka was coming with us!! poor boy...didn't realize what was coming....

The 3 older kids sobbed the entire way there. Bill and I didn't hold up so good either.

How had we all fallen in love with this dog so fast!!

When we got the breeder she asked if we would like to show the kids a puppy so they know what we have to look forward to in the next few months. They LOVED the puppy. It did seem to be a bit therapeutic for a few minutes.

But once we got in the van to leave, and Seeka stayed behind....thats when Trigg figured it out...and he bawled and bawled and cried for "his seeka" to come with us.

Tucker said "this is the badest night of my life"
Ella said to seeka (while crying like crazy) as we were arriving at the breeders "Seeka, its time for you to go home....OUR home was suppose to be your home but it didn't work out!"

Poor Tate, who is super senitmental, came home and immediately put together all of Seekas things kind of as a shrine to her! =( He then started crying and said "Oh no...this is partly my fault!" when we asked him why he would think that he said "b.c I yelled at her sometimes!"
oh no baby...it is not your fault AT ALL!!!!!
He finally believed us.

When we got home we told them that they all could sleep on our floor...which helped. And then we got some ice cream, which also helped. We finally ended the night by thinking of names for the new puppy, which really seemed to help.

whew....I can't even imagine how you being to tell a child when a person they love is gone!! =(

Sad Day

2011-01-04T16:43:00.002-06:00

This dog has quickly become apart of our family. The kids love her...as you can see, Bill loves her...and crazily "I" love her!!!
She definitely has some anxiety issues and is a bit neurotic...but we have really felt happy to work on these things with her.

For example...she wouldn't go up or down the stairs for several weeks after having her.
She is afraid to get in the van.
She wont eat her dog food unless we put MILK in it (who knows how we figured that out!)
Although she came from a breeder with many other dogs like her, she freaks out when she sees other dogs.
She is super submissive with me....I can't make eye contact with her when letting her in/out of the house or when in the hallway...or she PEES! crazy animal
The hardest thing has been that, although AMAZING with our kids (and any other child) she has a really hard time with most men.

We have been working on this with her and she has seemed to be getting better.

Well, today my dad was over...and for whatever reason, she has been the weirdest with my dad (who is the most gentle, even keeled man ever, so I have NO idea why this is)...he was being very careful with her but it took her almost an hour to be able to sit down, no more pacing or barking like crazy at him.
When she had finally settled down, he got up to go do something and she ran after him, in attack mode, and bit him in the back of the leg.
hard.

My dad is fine
but tearfully, Bill and I agreed immediately that we can not keep her.

We called the breeder (who actually bought Seeka from another breeder, which means we don't really know what her first 6-8 months of life were like) and they were amazing...they are graciously taking her back.
So tonight, when Bill gets home, we are going to tell the kids, let them say good bye and Bill will then take her back.

I have cried so many times today. For Bill, for me...but mostly for the kids. The boys, especially, have totally taken to her.

We have realized how MUCH our kids love having a dog. We feel its not an option to NOT have one, so, we have already decided to get a puppy (that will be born anytime and ready by March) from the same breeder.

Its a bitter sweet day. I am sad about saying goodbye to Seeka....
but excited about getting a puppy. One that we will know since birth and will be able to acclimate to our life style and family/friends easier. I also think Ella will bond more with a puppy...

it helps me to deal with the sad when I can focus on the less sad.

my favorite ballerina...

2010-12-28T21:55:00.000-06:00

Standing Guard

2010-12-28T21:15:00.000-06:00

Ella and Seeka....watching the neighborhood!

blank

2010-12-28T17:08:00.003-06:00

I used to think in blog posts....and now I don't think at all!
It is as if my mind has been vacuumed out to be a complete, blank ......I don't even know what!

b.c my mind is blank!

I have sat down many times over the past week b.c I really WANT to engage with you all
but I have NOTHING

NOTHING floating around in this brain!

so instead.....I will just share with you how blank my head is

and if you have anything interesting I can talk about, please do share! =)

maybe for new years...

2010-12-27T11:51:00.002-06:00

i have yet to make my Christmas Card

or bring the kids to pick out their Christmas ornament (which is a tradition)

or make Christmas cookies

or write a Christmas letter

or take any pictures of my kids opening gifts

and of course, I have hardly even BEGUN putting away the gazillion gifts they brought home

so, maybe for New Years I can do all of these things....except take pics of them opening gifts since they are...you know, already open

the flu that came through our house the past 2 weeks WIPED me out.
I was in bed for almost 2 weeks straight...no exaggeration.

But, we were significantly better by Christmas and had a GREAT few days with family.

We did Christmas 3 days in a row with no time to unpack and put away in between each celebration....which means I am literally up to my eyeballs in gifts.

No complaining! Just gearing myself up to being creative, once again, with the small amount of space and large amount of stuff that equals our house!

Does YOUR family get a ridiculous amount of gifts?

!!!!!!!

2010-12-20T19:13:00.002-06:00

We have all been sick
the flu
BAD FLU
Some are over it
some are still getting there
I fall into that category =)
This is my first day out of bed "for no reason" in about a week

Whew! SO glad we got it BEFORE Christmas!

Thus the reason for zero blogging for awhile!!

oh, and! Tomorrow is my birthday! =) I love birthdays!

good cop bad cop

2010-12-15T16:25:00.002-06:00

The other night on the way home from the air port, Bill go pulled over

The police officer was SUPER SUPER nice

As we were pulling away, Ella says "Man, its a good thing he wasn't the cop from the Dukes of Hazzard!!"

Nothing exciting to say!

2010-12-15T14:44:00.003-06:00

But, in case you are desperate to know about the going-on's of this household, I can give you a few bullet points!

-Bill has been sick for 2 weeks. I actually really feel bad for him...he's learned to stop complaining all the time over a drippy nose which means when he REALLY is sick, I can feel bad for him ;)

-so sick he came home early from work today....He NEVER does that

-Tate is also sick....had a 104 fever yesterday, a bit lower today

-I can feel I am getting the sick. YEAH for me =)

-I went to Chicago this weekend to photograph a wedding with my sister. We had a BLAST. Seriously, was so fun. I wasn't real excited to go anywhere b.c I feel like I have been gone SO much these past few months...but, I am SO glad I went!

-I have been able to help out in Ella and Tates class a bit this month. I loved it! I can't get over that they still hug and kiss me in front of their friends!! (tucker came with me one day and got bored, just like I promised him he would! but was fun having him with me anyways)

-Tad is standing and taking baby steps...literally. Someone asked recently if he can say any words and I said he has mastered screaming "MAMA" when he is mad and wants to get out of his crib!

-Trigg has become quite the mama's boy...cries anytime he can't be with me. I am not gonna lie...I love it!

-Ella has a ballet recital tonight and we have a really fun birthday date planned for her coming up in a few weeks! I can hardly wait!

-Although I am taking naps and going to bed by 9 almost every night b.c I am still trying to catch up on my lack of sleep from this past year, I am doing much better emotionally.

- Christmas shopping was done the weekend after Thanksgiving...thanks to my mom for watching all the kids so Bill and I could spend the day ALONE shopping!

-That's all!

The touble with your own kind of short hand

2010-12-06T14:12:00.002-06:00

I have an ongoing grocery list...always

I will never remember what I need if I don't write it down the minute I think of it
Also, I tend to write a lot of my items in short hand
not official short hand as I have no idea what that is....
but my own kind

it's SUPER creative.....
tp= toilet paper
pb=peanut butter
pot=potatoes

are you impressed?

Well, I have an AMAZING friend (I actually have many amazing friends...) but this one in particular has been sooo good to me this year.
She is at a different place in life than I am. Her kids are all older, so she is home all day alone. Although she is really hard working and regularly looking for a job, she doesn't work much during the day.
She INSISTS on taking care of people. And is really good at it...I mean, like she will go on Craigslist just to see what is needed out there...and then she finds a way to fulfill it!
Lucky for me, she also insists on taking care of me =)

She has started to drive my kids to school every morning...just so I don't have to get all 5 loaded up in the cold van by 7:40 every morning.

There are tons of ways I could list...but the most recent was her offering to grocery shop for me!
I normally would say no, but I really did need many things and I had been up most the night before with one of my lovely episodes...so I was really dragging and not excited at ALL about going to the store

so, I said yes!

I realized however, that there becomes a problem with my "short hand" when she comes home and says "I got everything....but for the life of me couldn't find the "bag of pot" you had written on the list!"

oops

Its mass chaos when we decorate!

2010-12-03T20:09:00.005-06:00

Tuck is so excited about the star!! ("da dar teet teet!:)
Tad is pretty much loving un-decorating the tree!
The boys have a blue tree in their room.....which needs to be decorated
and Ella has a pink one in her disaster ....I mean, bedroom
of course, you can't decorate without taking things away from eachother which causes screaming and crying.....

Bill and I always try to be in a few pics together!
I love his cheeks of concentration!
and this one has the tongue of concentration!

oh man....I just wanted a picture in this mirror...but he has to grab my butt!
under the kissing ball (Tate was ALL into this....)

our honken dog...just plops herself in the middle of it all

I love decorating! Chaos and all.....

so maybe its NOT just gas!

2010-12-03T13:05:00.003-06:00

If you haven't read my ER experience that happend about a week and a half ago, you might want to start there (in case you haven't read enough ER stories from me this year)!

Last night, once again, I experienced severe pain and vomiting for many hours into the night.
This JUST DOESN'T make sense!

This is actually the 3rd time this has happened to me in the past month. The first time wasn't severe enough to warrant a ER visit, but was very uncomfortable and I was super nauseous.

Luckily, last night I read my body a bit better and when I wasn't feeling great before dinner, decided to just try a few bites and if that didn't make me feel better, I would stop eating. I am pretty sure that if I would have eaten more than those few bites, it would have been as bad as it had been the night I went to the ER.

So....no crying and crawling on the floor, but I was on my way to that point!

I decided to call my dr this morning.
The thing is that I have NEVER had gas problems (other stomach issues, yes, but not this) and so it has seemed really weird to me that out of nowhere I would be in so much pain, so many times, so close together.

He agreed it wasn't normal and is pretty sure its my gallbladder. I told the nurse that I had already had a CT scan in the ER (assuming they didn't realize this) and they didn't see anything.
She said they DID know this and that a CT scan is too general sometimes so I actually need an ultra sound. It seems like my dr is pretty sure I will need surgery too b.c he wanted me to set up an appointment with a general surgeon a few days after the ultra sound to be set in case I do need surgery.

So...that's crazy, huh?!

I am not sure how I feel about it. I think for the most part if I know it will take away these attacks, then I am ok with the surgery. I am not really scarred at the thought of surgery yet...more the recovery. I have already struggled so much with my emotions and fatigue this year...and the past few weeks I have started to feel a bit more myself. So, I am mostly anxious about what it will take out of me.

But...I had a feeling the storm wasn't actually over....but at least I have had a break to get my feet on the ground! =)

I will never again.....

2010-12-02T20:29:00.003-06:00

It's not very often that I say these words "i will never again" b.c I have learned that I can't really ever say never

this time I CAN

Last weekend I was home with the kids alone
I tend to sit in bed, watch movies and eat snacks when Bill is gone and it's the weekend.
Doesn't that just sound right??

This Saturday was no different.

Around 10 p.m. I was finishing up my nachos and coke
mmmmm....sooo good
when I started to not feel very good
My stomach hurt really bad. I mean REALLY bad
Within minutes it was hurting really really really bad
Minutes after that I felt like I was going to throw up
Minutes after that I was in so much pain I couldn't stand up
My entire stomach was in the strangest, strongest contraction....it would NOT let up
I needed to...ehem...go to the bathroom
But I couldn't get off....ehem...the toilet b.c I was in so much pain.
I was a bit nervous

What if I had to call 911 and this is where they found me?!?
The thought of that was enough for me to MAKE myself get off
And then I started throwing up
I was crying and praying out loud b.c I was in SO much pain.

I was actually getting kind of scarred
What was I suppose to do?! I was home alone. with 5 sleeping kids.
I crawled my way to the phone and tried to call Bill..got his voicemail so left a message, sobbing, asking him to pray for me

I then called my sister to ask her to pray for me
Because I sounded like a wreck, she said I should talk to Joe (who is an ER doctor)
he asked if I had taken anything...I said I didn't know what to take and then he said he really thought I needed to go the ER

I got off the phone and called my parents, who promptly got themselves ready to come
But they wouldn't be here for an hour
and it was getting worse
It was FAR worse than any labor b.c the pain DID NOT subside
crying made it worse
moving made it worse
breathing made it worse
and of course I couldn't stop doing any of these things

I decided I couldn't wait until my parents came
So, I called a friend (who has children old enough to leave at home) b.c I needed both her and her husband to come...there was NO way I could drive myself.

They came right away. He waited at my house, she drove me and stayed with me until my parents came (btw...Bill was 3 hours away and it was starting to sleet out which is why he didn't come home right away....I told him to wait until morning)

I got there, they put me on pain meds right away
I got a CT scan
I was totally expecting them to say something had ruptured inside of me and I would need surgery immediately. The pain was SO bad

The CT results?
I had stomach full of air
aka gas
that's right
GAS

are you freakin' kidding me?!?!?!?!

So they sent me home
end of story.

All I can say is I will NEVER ever again make fun of Beano!!

4 years (and 4 months)

2010-11-24T23:29:00.003-06:00

I finally took Tuckers 4 year pictures!! =)

living life....

2010-11-24T23:25:00.001-06:00

Tad turned 1!

2010-11-24T22:29:00.002-06:00

well, a month ago anyways....
but keeping in line with the rest of my life, we celebrated a few days late
we did NOT have a party
and it has taken me a month to get the pictures posted

he wont remember anyways, right?!?!?
please say I am right!! = )
he really really liked the frosting

and the kids LOVED watching him eat it!
they enjoyed eating their own share too

why oh why is he so cute?!?!?!

Win 4 tickets to Disney Live

2010-11-24T08:05:00.001-06:00

Would you like to win four tickets to Mickey & Minnies Magical Journey on Ice. My friend Jennifer is giving away

four tickets for Dec.9-12th. Check it out here.

darkness.....and not going private

2010-11-22T16:38:00.004-06:00

darkness. It is not something I have spent a lot of time dwelling on or dealing with
However, the past few months have been THE darkest months of my life thus far

although it has been an exhausting year for many many reasons, this darkness seemed to creep up on me AFTER most of these things have come and gone

Bill is still working a gazillion hours and I miss him always....but that isn't anything new

so why now?
I have no idea....but it hit and it hit hard

I have no idea if I can even put into words what I have experienced lately.
I know I don't really NEED to, but I want to

I have felt out of control in all areas of my life
eating (I have been consuming coke as if its my life line)
spending (hadn't balanced my check book in months....soooo not like me)
my attitude (it wasn't pretty)
the lies I was hearing and having a hard time not believing(and they were pouring down on me)
my kids (yelling and being irrational might just BEGIN to explain how I was responding to them)
my mind.........I felt as if I was losing my mind

When I say that, I am not saying it loosely like "I just had a bad day and could really use a cup of coffee by myself"
I mean...I REALLY wondered if I was losing my mind
and I could easily imagine myself curled up on a cot of a mental institution for a few days

just so I could calm the noise in my head
try to put myself back together

of course "I" can't put myself back together at all

I had heard sometime recently that I MUST keep my focus on God when going through something hard
and I believe that 100%
but the thing was, my focus WAS on God. I was having regular dialog with him day in and day out....me talking to Him and Him talking to me.
what was different for me this time was that I could sense God's presence...very much
I could even hear His voice....
BUT, He was HANDS OFF

It reminds me of when one of my kids is trying to do something that is hard for them...that I KNOW they wont be able to do on their own....but I choose to stand close, but hands off all at the same time so that they can recognize for themselves their need for my help

I believe that was what He was doing with me
I could not believe how much of wreck I was without Him
I was like an out of control tornado, my life was spinning 1000 miles an hour around me
and I COULD NOT DO IT
not alone

Now, I have known for a long long time that I can't do it alone (by "it" I mean everything...life)
But it wouldn't surprise me a BIT if I get distracted by myself at times and think "man, look how good I am doing this!"

I know for sure that what I have experienced this past few months will NOT SOON leave my memory

I attended the Hearts at Home conference last weekend and it was so good in more ways than I can recount. However, one of the things I know God was telling me was that I have been in a storm (obviously)
He was going to remove me from the storm for awhile.
I don't know necessarily that the storm will die
but...when inside the storm, all you can do is hold on for dear life. You don't have time to think things through and make decisions based on logic and sound mind. Your just trying to prevent being knocked over.

When you are on the outside of the storm, even if you can still SEE the storm and maybe even feel it a bit...you have time to think. Your feet are grounded. You can prepare and process rationally.

This is where I am right now....tired and worn out from the battle that has been going on from within...but at least my feet are grounded.

************************************************************************************

As far as going private....

I try as hard as I can to not make any decision without really seeking out God's input. Through prayer, through the Bible and wise council.

For those of you who don't understand this or even think it is weak on my part, I want to explain why I do this.

I am on a road called life. A road that will go through many many many types of terrains. I have no clue as to how this road is going to be or where it's going to go...so to me, it makes complete sense that I would allow the one who created the road and my journey to GUIDE and STEER me.
We would never consider going on a cross-country road trip without our GPS or at the very least, a road map. It's not b.c we can't think for ourselves or make our own decisions...but b.c we know that it just makes sense!

That being said...when I decided to make my blog private...it was simply so I could grasp control of SOMETHING in my life at the moment. Being that I was in this whirlwind where I was out of control in so many ways...it felt good to grab a hold of something...no matter how small.

However, I could sense very strongly that this was NOT what God wanted me to do. Why?? I have no idea....but that doesn't really matter.

So....thank you so much to all of you who wrote me WONDERFUL emails about wanting to continue to follow my blog. So many of your words were medicine to my weary mind and spirit, so I really really thank you.

But, for now anyways, I wont be going private.

Just when I think they only think of themselves...

2010-11-15T09:32:00.005-06:00

It has been on my mind and heart a LOT the past week that I really want our family to start sponsoring a child. I had an amazing weekend at Hearts at Home this past weekend (more on that later) which included a small testimony from a man, from Africa, who as a child was sponsored by someone through an organization called, Compassion. He grew up without shoes and without much more than a meal a day...but b.c of the person who sponsored him, he was able to graduate high school and is now living in Chicago, going to the Moody Bible Institute getting a degree in something theological.

It was amazing to watch him and listen to his thick, African accent describing his life growing up.

I was so excited b.c Compassion was there, with a table full of pictures of little faces who needed just a SMALL amount of money each month to have their life changed.

I decided to find a girl who was close to Ella's age....Her name is Roshni and is only 11 days younger than her! =)

So, last night, we were telling the kids what we were going to do, explaining what her life is like. This included the fact that she usually gets only 1 meal a day and has dirt floors in her home.

Right away Ella and Tate said "Hey...we can send them OUR carpet!! or at least some rugs...."

When we were done looking at her picture and seeing where in India she lives...Tate said "Can we pray for her RIGHT now?!"

Seriously.....how do I not cry?!?!
(and be a little relieved that their life isn't always all about them! haha)

2010-11-05T22:05:00.001-05:00

I have only used my business blog for pictures, thus far...however, I
have SO much I want to blog about in regards to photography. But, my
mind is having a hard time landing on one specific thing...so, tell me.
If you could hear me talk about ONE (or 2 or 3) things what would it be?
... Really, it doesn't matter what it is

Some of my favorite lines...

2010-11-05T21:31:00.005-05:00

definitely come from the mouths of my kids!!

Tucker (without taking a breath):

"Mommy, Teet Teet is so mad at me b.c I made a rats nest of the (remote) controllers and he is yelling at me and saying "ah man Tucker!" and I don't know why he is yelling at me b.c I ALWAYS make a rats nest of the controllers!"

Ella:

upon getting the mail, she exclaims "YES! A redflix came!"

holding a dollar bill "mommy, is this George Washington DC on here?"

Tate:

As Bill heads up north for hunting "Good luck Daddy! Hit a deer!"

Walking around our local health food store, Tate sees a bottle of hand sanitizer meant to be used by the patrons...he says "Look! Hand sanitizer!!"
b.c he is a GERM FREAK, I say "Ahhh Tate...its your best friend!"
he replies a little indignantly "Mommy....no its not....soap and WARM water is!!"

Trigg:

"SEE Rachel, its NOT raining!"
when we had not mentioned rain at all....
I just like this one b.c he says this kind of thing all of the time. Like he needs to convince someone they are wrong and he is right...even though there was no discussion happening!

someone asking Trigg if he has a new dog "no...me don't have a new dog................................................................actually...me DO have a new dog"

anytime we enter a house he proudly says "GUYS !I am here guys!" assuming all are sitting waiting just for him!

Tad doesn't say a word yet...but he does squeal and clap his hands when we enter a room! =) (and for the record...he still only has one lousy tooth!)

Monster Jam Ticket Give Away!!

2010-11-05T21:00:00.002-05:00

My friend is giving away Monster Jam Tickets! Go to her blog to check out how to win!

I know I have FOUR boys (well, 3 boys and 1 man) who would love love love to go! =)

2010-11-02T11:21:00.003-05:00

Turns out I can only have 100 followers thru blogger if I want to go private...which is why i haven't gone private yet. I need to set up a new blog thru wordpress.

I will get there

someday

In the mean time...my mind is busy
I HATE when it is this way
it can't stay focused on one thing....b.c I constantly have 17 things going on in my head
I have been praying a lot about this b.c it feels frustrating
I feel unsettled and it overwhelms me

I am reading a most excellent book (called One in a Million). Right now it is talking about being in a wilderness.....
I am most definitely in a wilderness right now
and I believe I have been for quite sometime
Up until recently I believe I have done it well....now, however, I am not

I am exhausted and wandering and overwhelmed and no motivation and too much on my mind and impatient and snappy and crabby and sad.

I literally just sighed out loud after writing that! ha!

I feel like I should write out a list of all the things I am grateful for with my life right now....but instead, I am just going to let myself be "not ok" for a bit

I will better tomorrow, I am sure

Its a girl!!

2010-10-29T13:46:00.005-05:00

What's that?? You didn't know we were expecting?!
Well, we were...kind of....but in the form of a DOG!

Meet Seeka!

Nothing sounds worse to me than having someone elses, grown, not-yet potty trained, big, german shepard dog

So...that's just what we got!

And the CRAZY thing is....I LOVE her!
Seriously, she is the sweetest, calmest thing ever!

and she loves me....she follows me everywhere and listens so good to me
I EVEN took her in the van when I brought the kids to school the other day

Oh dear...what IS this world coming to??!?!?!

(pictures of me and Seeka taken by Tate!)

My baby....is one

2010-10-25T12:42:00.006-05:00

This was yesterday...his birthday. He spent all day in his pj's =) He was actually quite crabby and it was rainy and cold out...thus the "stay in the pj's day"
He is not yet standing on his own...but stands and walks along everything. I don't think his broken leg hindered him a bit!

He laughs harder than ANY child I have ever met. And it takes nothing to make him laugh. You can just LOOK at him and he gives you a gut wrenching giggle!

He is developing quite a dramatic side (which is strange since NONE of my other kids are dramatic......;))

He has one measly tooth, which he just got last week. It really does him no good. But...he munches on most anything anyways.

He is long for his age but pretty lean. Making all 5 of my kids completely different at this age!
He plays with my hair when I hold him and has started to play with his wisps of hair when he falls asleep

He claps his hands and does So Big

He is BEYOND ridiculous when changing his diaper...he will seriously stand on his head fighting you all while screaming...it's quite the site. however, if you sing to him, then he either claps his hands or waves them above his head while smiling......needless to say, I have mastered all childrens songs (if I hadn't before him)

He is quite opinionated....which of course I "love"

He is wonderful and adorable and is adored by his entire family!!

Happy Birthday baby boy!

a "quick" re-cap

2010-10-22T20:34:00.005-05:00

Thursday: drove 80 minutes round trip to pick up my kids from my moms (who had graciously taken them for a night so I could breath a bit)

then drove another 60 minutes to the airport

flew from Mnpls to NYC with my sister and sister in law

arrived at hotel around midnight

laughed so so so much

Friday: spent all day touring NYC with sisters. Had a bike tour around central park, missed the Ellis Island Ferrie by minutes so took the commuter ferrie for free...saw the Statue of Liberty from it and all was good

while following a group of woman with fairly large behinds throught the financial district, I heard Bridgit exclaim loudly "what is THAT huge butt" and realized she meant the butt of the bull....not the woman

laughed more than one gut can really handle

Saturday: did 11 photo shoots in Central Park

found out we don't have the touch with in hailing a cab since at least 15 of them just passed us on by....we even showed leg and everything!!

Finally made our way to Penn station and took a train to Phili

got into our hotel around 9, ordered pizza and continued to laugh so so much

Sunday: did 4 photoshoots followed by a few hours of roaming Center City. Had lunch at an authentic 1800's restaraunt....saw the liberty bell and other cool monuments

headed to the airport for our flight and lay over in Cleveland, OH

finally landed in Mnpls around 10 pm

got home around midnight

Monday: headed out for an 8 hour trip to Chicago with my sis and nephew

8 hour trip took closer to 10 hours

Tuesday: (according to my kids) we took the "elf" to "New York city" to see the "baked bean" (aka, took the El to chicago to see the Bean at Millenium Park)

It was a horrbily good day. Kids were far from perfect, I was far from patient...but looking back it was fun!

took us about an hour to get home from the El stop and Ella asked why we were just driving around and around!

Wednesday: pretty much did nothing

Thursday: me and the kids headed for our 8 our trip home

Friday (today): TOTALLY BEAT!!!!!!

A great, exhausting, glad its over, glad I did it week......

my blog wont be going private is soon as I thought due to my computer still giving me problems. Turns out my hard drive needs to be replaced...which is happening as I type. Luckily I have an old lap top that I can check emails (can't reply!) and facebook, of course =)

Going Private

2010-10-13T11:24:00.003-05:00

Hey guys! I have been thinking about doing this for a long long time....

I am ready to go private! I am thinking I will make the transition the week of October 25 sometime.

If you care to follow me still, please email me at billmissandbrood@live.com.

Thanks!!

Just Because

2010-10-13T11:01:00.003-05:00

The story.....

2010-10-12T18:57:00.005-05:00

It has taken me quite awhile to be ready to share what we are going through. This has been the single most emotionally exhausting thing we have ever experienced up to this point in our life.

I know that you may not understand why we are so upset. I also know you may be upset right
along side of us. Please know that this is a very personal thing to us and whatever way you feel, I am trusting you will just be a support and source of prayer. Thank you!

The State of MN has decided to lease a house in our neighborhood to use as a group home. At first we were not given a lot of details about it (and no details from the State at all), however, the information presented to us
left us feeling fine about the situation. It seemed as if the group home
would be for non dangerous, mentally disabled individuals. My sister and
sister in law have both worked in group homes in the past and we thought it
was a great thing. Bill even talked to me about how we could bring out kids
over so they could meet them and play with them, etc.

Friday 9/10 we found out from a very reliable source (meaning this person works
directly with the people who will be occupying the house) expressed concern to Bill and
wanted us to know that the program they work for , METO, is being forced (by
the Sate) to down size from 30(aprox) beds to 16. This means they are
having to release residents that are NOT yet suitable for living in
residential areas. This person said that they were very concerned for us being that we
have children

The METO website states the following:

The 1995 Legislature authorized the commissioner of Human Services to
develop a specialized service model at the Regional Human
Services Center campus to serve Minnesotans who have a developmental
disability and exhibit severe behavior problems that present a risk to
public safety. The program developed is known as the Minnesota Extended
Treatment Options (METO). Admission to the program is limited to those few individuals who exhibit such extreme behaviors that they cannot, at present, be served safely in their communities. METO serves the public
interest by providing comprehensive treatment to individuals with mental
retardation and co-occurring conditions to promote safe and sustainable
return to their communities of origin. To be admitted to the METO program,
an individual must have mental retardation or related condition, be of
adult age, exhibit behaviors that present a risk to public safety, and be
civilly committed as Mentally Retarded and/or Mentally Ill. METO does not
accept admission of individuals civilly committed as Sexually Dangerous
Persons or Sexual Psychopathic Personalities.

This person told us that although these individuals have not been convicted of a
sexual abuse crime, they are not safe yet and many of them (not all) have
restrictions from children (like they can't even drive them past a school)
b.c they get sexually aroused by children.

This person did state that they are not considered sexual predators, but that some
of them would be considered dangerous to children. At this point, neither
Bill or I feel that me being a woman is an issue. It is the kids we are
concerned about.

We know that the house they will be living in will be staffed 24 hours a
day. That they are putting locks and alarms on all windows and doors so
they do not get out without the staff knowing. We know that they are very
capable of being violent (one staff just recently ended up with a
broken wrist). They will be putting up a privacy fence on the property, but this will not block
site lines to our house/yard from inside their house.

We, along with several of our neighbors, attended a city council
meeting a few weeks ago to voice our concerns. We are frustrated that we have zero say in what happens in our neighborhood. It was obvious in the faces and responses of the city council that they were appalled at what we were sharing. One man was pretty forceful in his reaction. We expected to say our thing and then be on our way...we had no idea they would emotionally respond.
We left feeling at least validated and with a name of someone we should contact to help us along with this. We assumed nothing was going to happen since its not the city who has a say in this, but the State, but knew we should start there.

We both cried when we talked as did our neighbor....we really didn't want to but couldn't help it!

The next afternoon I got a phone call from the Mayor thanking us for bringing our concerns before the council. She said that she had already had a meeting set up with METO (the place that is being forced to release their residents early b.c of State things) b.c of something else...so, after the meeting she asked them to stay a bit longer to share OUR concerns!!

She said they seemed very surprised by some of the stuff she shared on our behalf (namely that there are residence who get sexually aroused by children and they are being moved onto a block with 8+ kids). She has since this time arranged a meeting with METO, the DHS (deparetment of human services), our neighborhood, and herself.

One of the biggest things we have needed to decide has been if we stay or try to move.
After tons and tons and tons of prayer, we have decided we are going to stay and
put up our own privacy fence to block sight lines even further, etc. We feel very peaceful about this decision.

Up until this point our kids haven't known anything. It is getting close to when the
residents will be moving in so we know we need to tell them something to keep them
safe but without causing them fear.

Its has been about a month and we are doing pretty good. I cried for the first 2 weeks straight.
I no longer feel afraid but very much empowered. We sense God calling us to do something with
this situation....our biggest thing is that is seems unfair that the State can just make any call they want without consenting with the people it will directly effect.

We know very much that the residents that are moving in are people....people who deserve second chances at being healthy and happy. What we don't agree with is moving individuals into a neighborhood to finish their rehabilitation and experiencing their way back into society in the midst of so many families.

We have been very frustrated with the state b.c we (along with many neighbors who have contacted them) are getting inconsistent information. We have had to do our own digging and asking our own questions and ultimately the state can't confidently tell us that we have nothing to worry about.

I would appreciate your prayer! Bill and I are not the kind of people to make a big deal out of things. Going to the city council and emailing and calling senators and statesmen and the mayor trying to figure this thing out is WAY out of our (mine especially) comfort zone. But we feel very strongly this is what we have to do. Hopefully it will get to a place where never again will a neighborhood or family need to have something so significant happen without their consent.

We have been praying that (as stated in 2 Samuel) that God would be
delighted in us (how we handle this ) and that we keep our hands clean and
that our ways will be righteous b.c we have not turned our back on God.

We are asking God every single day to show us what He has planned for us
through this....how he wants to use this situation to better US and make us
more like Him.
We have struggled with anger and sadness, betrayal and fear. We sense a
huge amount of darkness over all of this....BUT we see the light piercing it.
We keep saying to one another "Satan is NOT going to win....."

not bad! not bad....

2010-10-12T18:53:00.002-05:00

I have to say I am quite impressed with how well some of you speak Tucker!! I wouldn't call you fluent quite yet...but don't feel bad. I am barley fluent!!

The translations are.....
1. me seed a camoshashed sore yiyyer

me saw a camouflage four wheeler

2. dat chuey was bewy bewy nummy

that cherry was very very yummy

3. dun we culdnt go nonwah

then we couldn't go no where

4. it's keeking bewy wong

it's taking very long

5. teet teet, ya wanna pay zideo games wis me? or star wers weegos?"

Tate Tate, you want to play video games with me? or star wars legos?

Thanks for playing! =)

Can you speak Tucker

2010-10-11T20:55:00.002-05:00

my poor, sweet little Tucker has a very unique way of talking
My sister in law calls it "talking in cursive"
he kind of runs all his words together and most people can't understand him....even though he is over 4!
So....here is your chance to see if YOU can speak Tucker!
I will give you 5 bucks if you get it right (and by 5 bucks, I mean nothing at all...it just sounds so much more fun to say 5 bucks instead of nothing)

1. me seed a camoshashed sore yiyyer

2. dat chuey was bewy bewy nummy

3. dun we culdnt go nonwah

4. it's keeking bewy wong

5. teet teet, ya wanna pay zideo games wis me? or star wers weegos?"

TRANSLATE =)

I have power over the thoughts of my mind....

2010-10-11T14:14:00.002-05:00

and because of that, I need to focus my mind on:

how blessed I am
how much I love my house
how much I can sense God's protection and peace in my life
how much my husband loves me
and finds me sexy
how I have family and friends that I don't even deserve
they love me more than I could ask them too
how much JOY I have in my days
that I have been allowed to love and parent 5 fantastic kids
that I have more than enough
that I can do all things through Him who gives me strength
that life is hard....but it was never promised to be easy
BUT , even though it's hard....it's SO WORTH LIVING!

that, ultimately, THIS is not my home
I am a stranger here until the day I am called to my eternal home
and until that time, I get to follow Him on this journey He laid before me
and let HIM be my source for everything

Wedding Photography Give Away!!

2010-10-08T15:04:00.000-05:00

Things I love about today

2010-10-04T19:19:00.003-05:00

.all 5 of my kids are at home...for the next 3 weeks!! I love these breaks!
.hearing Trigg say "when is my daddy going to come to my house?"
.watching all four big kids play hockey
.and "dress" in "hockey"clothes
.seeing the drawings they come up with
.hearing Tate go and check on Ella after she was throwing up all morning
.and then telling me he prayed for her
.getting SO much work done. a much need after my computer being down for a good part of 2 weeks
.gorgeous fall weather
.watching Tad get into everything. he is so delighted in himself!
.the Office, season 6 was suddenly available to watch instantly on Netflix
.ella telling me "I know I took a nap b.c when I woke up, my eyes were closed"
.getting Tads $18,300 hospital bill and our portion to pay is......$49

that is not a typo. you read it correctly!!!!!!
.that it's just an ordinary, nothing special day

The problem with the tooth fairy

2010-10-03T18:57:00.002-05:00

I love the idea of the tooth fairy....a small, flighty thing, flitting about, spreading her happy dream cheers everywhere
helping kids grow up by replacing their baby teeth with BIG teeth
and of course, leaving some cha-ching behind

BUT

I have one problem with her
And that problem is that, in our house, the tooth fairy roll is help by one person only
ME
which means when I startle awake at 12:57 p.m. b.c I remember that a child has lost yet another tooth in this house
which means there is a tooth sitting in a little tooth treasure chest in a little childs room, just waiting to be swapped out by some change
and so I have a decision to make....do I "forget" and then tell the story (again) that the tooth fairy had suddenly run into so many kids loosing teeth that she was just running a night or two (or 5) behind
OR
do I drag my butt out of bed and do the whole thing?

It turns out that the tooth fairy is not at ALL a small, flighty thing, flitting about, spreading her happy dream cheers everywhere
but instead an average sized, stumbling, muttering thing, cursing under her breath as she tries to find a quarter or two in the dark, all the while not trying to count all the teeth that are yet to be lost by all the children that live in her house!

can you see the problem with the tooth fairy??

feeling sorry for myself. yuck

2010-10-01T16:37:00.002-05:00

I have so much to say and yet don't really know where to start...

I am almost ready to share all that we have been through the past few weeks.

almost

God has been so faithful to us, though, as Bill and I have only grown closer and more cemented in our relationship.

That is huge

We have also found a zillion MORE reasons why we can not ever, possibly even begin to TRY to live without Christ.

But I have to be honest with you all....I am exhausted
emotionally
physically

I feel like I am in desperate need of a break. I mean a break from the onslaught of life this past year and a half.

I do know how dramatic this sounds
and to be honest with you....I am feeling sorry for myself today

I HATE feeling sorry for myself
it disgusts me to the core
So, I am begging God to remove these feelings from my mind....

Because I KNOW that no matter how hard the past 18 months have been, I am in over my head with love and support. I couldn't love this exhausting life anymore.....And I can't get enough of all the favorite people I have!!

2010-09-28T20:12:00.000-05:00

Mish Mash

2010-09-23T21:00:00.006-05:00

It's been raining here quite a bit, which I love....but it sure makes me wish I had a garage attached to my house! But it also means I get to wear my cute purple rainboots with white polk a dots!!

The Beth Moore conference was FAN.TAS.TIC!!!! I went with 5 other girls. We laughed and talked and ate and drank wine and seriously...it was just what I needed!

We had our second night of Financial Peace University with SEVENTY people!!! And we will have about 10 more next week! It's SO crazy! When we ended the night I prayed...and cried! B.c I was so excited about all the lives that are about to be changed!

I am waaaayyyy behind in work. One step at a time is what I keep telling myself!

This week has still been hard, but it's getting a little better.....God has been amazing to us and the good news is that no matter how hard of a time we are going through, He is using it to strengthen mine and Bill's relationship!

My kids have been RO.TT.EN!! Blah. Which inturn makes me feel like a rotten mom.
oh well.
this too shall pass.

I am watching season 3 of CHUCK!! Oh man I love that show! =)

Ella just had me cut about 7 or 8 inches off her hair! It's so so cute...all bouncy and wavy right to her shoulders. She is in love with it...keeps checking herself out in the mirror!

Tad is 11 months now (I must be lying by saying that!) and still has ZERO teeth!

Tate has missing his 2 front teeth for about a month! No sign of any new ones...he is so cute without them!

Tucker is addicted to superhero suits these days. Makes laundry easier! I told him today that Jesus is the BEST super hero EVER....b.c he saved the ENTIRE world!!

Trigg is cracking me up every day. He talks like a 5 year old....and is all into kissing and telling me "I love you so so much!"

Last but not least.....I get to go to New York again in a month! With my sis and sister in law....another day of photos in the park! I am super excited!

I need your blog!

2010-09-21T13:16:00.003-05:00

Due to the crashing of my computer, I have lost all the blog addresses of the blots that I read!

Please give me your blog address whether you think I read it or not =) THANKS!!

(family, this goes for you too!!)

I am up and running again!!

2010-09-20T17:29:00.003-05:00

My computer crashed this week....frustrating to say the LEAST!!

BUT, God is so amazing to me and he brought someone along just at the time I was feeling a bit desperate!!

If you live in my area and need computer help....Any Key PC is the place I recommend ! = )

So...I am back!

Also....this is what Ella told me today,

Ella: mommy, do you want to know who my bff's are?
Me: sure!
Ella: Tate and Tucker and Trigg and Tad and Mommy and Daddy. See...I have it written write here in my diary!

melt my heart is right!!